Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and control that can be done by a man or a woman, a partner or lover, a boss or a colleague, a parent or a sibling. It exploits our deepest fears, most anxious thoughts, and our deepest desire to be understood, appreciated, and loved to constantly undermine a person's self-esteem. Even the most confident people cannot escape its clutches.
The Gaslighting Effect, written by Dr. Robin Stern, is the classic psychological work on this concept and has helped countless readers regain their self-esteem. Whether you or someone you know is struggling with gaslighting, this book can help you reflect on, reorganize and adjust the relationship, or end it altogether. At the same time, you must believe in yourself. You have the ability and right to change everything, regain a new life, and have a better intimate relationship.
Reader comments
"Gaslight Effect"
Also known as cognitive denial, it is a covert form of psychological abuse and manipulation.
Manipulator
Reason: The manipulator feels out of control (uneasy and powerless) and needs to gain power by controlling others.
Behavior: Regardless of your wishes, he tries to make you agree with his ideas. Exploit your weaknesses to sow doubt, destroy independent judgment, and make you question your self-perception.
Manipulated person
Reason: Fear of emotional apocalypse and subconscious convergence psychology. Idealize the other person and crave his approval.
The uneasiness of outward exploration→nostalgia and regression→the fragility of identity transformation→empowerment of control
Identifying Gaslighting, "The Flight Attendant"
Losing oneself, losing one's own opinion, neglecting oneself, lack of confidence, self-destruction, cognitive confusion, often self-defense and self-doubt.
The three stages of gaslighting: questioning, justification, and suppression.
Turning Off the Gaslight: Making Decisions, The Six-Step Plan, Five Ways to Turn Off the Gaslight
Withdraw from arguments, refuse to entangle, do not understand, but respect, and do not take responsibility (do not persuade).
Conclusion: Pay attention to observation, separate subjects, accept yourself (no one is perfect), be yourself, be responsible for yourself, recognize yourself, stay awake, guard boundaries, and stick to self-awareness and bottom line.
It is still very useful. It speaks to a lot of things about myself. It goes straight to the heart and lungs. The sad thing is that I have already realized that I am living in gaslighting that makes me unable to breathe every day. Note that it is every day. But in my current situation, I really don't have the courage or determination to change. I completely turn off the lights and leave. I hope that I will be stronger in the future and dare to gradually peel off this emotion. Now all I can do is try to take care of myself. I think learning to be selfish will be a lifelong issue for me, who is kind-hearted in nature.
Suitable for dealing with shallow relationships, such as lovers, colleagues and friends. It cannot provide strong help for in-depth relationships and severe illnesses, such as dealing with the relationship with the parents of extraordinary npds.
It's hard to imagine that only more than 200 people have read it here
Limitations of this book: Focus on unraveling gaslighting rather than repairing all intimate conflicts
The core theme of "The Gaslight Effect" is to stop mental manipulation and save the destroyed self-awareness. The method it gives is primarily to stop losses, not to repair relationships and resolve all conflicts with three views and living habits.
No matter what you choose, you should have the strength deep within you to free yourself from gaslighting.
Personally, I think this book should be required reading for primary school students, as it will reduce the misfortune of many families.
It's a very good book. It can accurately determine whether you are being manipulated by gaslighting and has solutions. If you feel that a certain person is particularly uncomfortable to deal with and your heart is particularly blocked, whether it is friendship or love, it is worth reading this book. It can help you think outside certain limitations. It is quite helpful anyway.
The content is easy to understand and explains in depth. The examples given by the author at the beginning are constantly reinforced in the book and are very logical. This book provided answers to some unexplained discomfort I had in relationships. A strong benefit for people who are in bad interpersonal relationships and don't know what to do, or who are repeatedly internalized by other people's words.
Good looking and very useful
Still watching, okay?
End the conversation when you feel gaslighting is occurring and avoid arguments.
Very practical. Only by understanding yourself can you love yourself, others and the world.
Yes, it really touched my inner anxiety.
I feel like it benefits everyone a lot
I was lucky enough to read this book more than ten years ago this year. I have benefited a lot from it. It is a book worth reading. You must learn to love yourself well, believe in yourself, and try your best to be the best version of yourself...
"Gaslight Effect" Also known as cognitive denial, it is a covert form of psychological abuse and manipulation. Manipulator Reason: The manipulator feels out of control (uneasy and powerless) and needs to gain power by controlling others. Behavior: Regardless of your wishes, he tries to make you agree with his ideas. Exploit your weaknesses to sow doubt, destroy independent judgment, and make you question your self-perception. Manipulated person Reason: Fear of emotional apocalypse and subconscious convergence psychology. Idealize the other person and crave his approval. The uneasiness of outward exploration→nostalgia and regression→the fragility of identity transformation→empowerment of control Identifying Gaslighting, "The Flight Attendant" Losing oneself, losing one's own opinion, neglecting oneself, lack of confidence, self-destruction, cognitive confusion, often self-defense and self-doubt. The three stages of gaslighting: questioning, justification, and suppression. Turning Off the Gaslight: Making Decisions, The Six-Step Plan, Five Ways to Turn Off the Gaslight Withdraw from arguments, refuse to entangle, do not understand, but respect, and do not take responsibility (do not persuade). Conclusion: Pay attention to observation, separate subjects, accept yourself (no one is perfect), be yourself, be responsible for yourself, recognize yourself, stay awake, guard boundaries, and stick to self-awareness and bottom line.
It is still very useful. It speaks to a lot of things about myself. It goes straight to the heart and lungs. The sad thing is that I have already realized that I am living in gaslighting that makes me unable to breathe every day. Note that it is every day. But in my current situation, I really don't have the courage or determination to change. I completely turn off the lights and leave. I hope that I will be stronger in the future and dare to gradually peel off this emotion. Now all I can do is try to take care of myself. I think learning to be selfish will be a lifelong issue for me, who is kind-hearted in nature.
Suitable for dealing with shallow relationships, such as lovers, colleagues and friends. It cannot provide strong help for in-depth relationships and severe illnesses, such as dealing with the relationship with the parents of extraordinary npds.
It's hard to imagine that only more than 200 people have read it here
Limitations of this book: Focus on unraveling gaslighting rather than repairing all intimate conflicts The core theme of "The Gaslight Effect" is to stop mental manipulation and save the destroyed self-awareness. The method it gives is primarily to stop losses, not to repair relationships and resolve all conflicts with three views and living habits.
No matter what you choose, you should have the strength deep within you to free yourself from gaslighting.
Personally, I think this book should be required reading for primary school students, as it will reduce the misfortune of many families.
It's a very good book. It can accurately determine whether you are being manipulated by gaslighting and has solutions. If you feel that a certain person is particularly uncomfortable to deal with and your heart is particularly blocked, whether it is friendship or love, it is worth reading this book. It can help you think outside certain limitations. It is quite helpful anyway.
The content is easy to understand and explains in depth. The examples given by the author at the beginning are constantly reinforced in the book and are very logical. This book provided answers to some unexplained discomfort I had in relationships. A strong benefit for people who are in bad interpersonal relationships and don't know what to do, or who are repeatedly internalized by other people's words.
Good looking and very useful
Still watching, okay?
End the conversation when you feel gaslighting is occurring and avoid arguments.
Very practical. Only by understanding yourself can you love yourself, others and the world.
Yes, it really touched my inner anxiety.
I feel like it benefits everyone a lot
I was lucky enough to read this book more than ten years ago this year. I have benefited a lot from it. It is a book worth reading. You must learn to love yourself well, believe in yourself, and try your best to be the best version of yourself...