Jiang Xiaoyu, a programmer driven to the brink by demanding clients, had hoped to use his “AI Buddha” app to save all living beings. Instead, a bug in the code turned him into a laughingstock across the internet.
Just as his landlord threw him out and he crouched by the roadside, slurping instant noodles, a bizarre notification suddenly popped up on his phone:
[Your “despair level” has reached the required threshold. The Cosmic Emotional Online Shopping System is now active!]
From then on, his life became one massive interdimensional public humiliation:
Dinosaurs from the Cretaceous asked him to buy meteorite insurance. Li Shimin went wild ordering Zhenguan-branded hair-growth tonic on his livestream. Ultraman from the M78 Nebula demanded a seven-day, no-questions-asked return policy for monsters...
Even more outrageous, every transaction secretly siphoned off human emotional energy. And the sharp-tongued AI customer service rep who nagged him every day to hit his KPIs had secretly slipped him a warning:
“Host, you’re not selling products. You’re selling lives.”
As the entire universe begins using “human breakdowns” as currency,
Jiang Xiaoyu raises a black-hole trash can in his left hand and leads a talking wandering planet with his right.
At the quantum logistics station, he roars:
“Dear customer, please leave a five-star review, or I’ll send the one-star reviewer into the two-dimensional foil!”
