This Generation of Home Appliances Always Wants to Be My Father

My name is Zhang Jiujin, a patient with advanced obsessive-compulsive disorder who relies on measuring laser levels for a living. That day I received a smart villa evaluation form with a daily salary of 8888, and the customer demand column clearly stated: "Check the gaps between floor tiles every day to see if they are the same width" "Make sure the toilet seat is axially symmetrical with the tile pattern" "If any imperfection is found, immediately activate the doomsday alarm." When I used a vernier caliper to align the 0.3-Degree deviation of the decorative painting in the living room, the smart toilet studded with Swarovski rhinestones suddenly started to dance. It flies up and down along with "The Most Stunning Ethnic Style" and sprays out lavender-scented disinfectant spray: "The scent of a single dog has been detected, and we have made an appointment for you to navigate the marriage registration office——" The sweeping robot in this villa can call me "Dad" in Henan dialect, the air purifier sprays espresso Americano, and the refrigerator door pops open to throw out "Five-Year College Entrance Examination and Three-Year Simulation". The most terrible thing is the mind-reading AI butler—— Whenever I try to break into the safe, all the appliances in the house automatically play "The Great Compassion Curse DJ Version", and the bulletproof glass instantly turns into an LED barrage wall: "Catch the thief! A glass-cleaning performance artist appears in Building 3!" When I finally broke into the secret room, I found 200 unopened antibacterial toilet seats stacked on the entire wall. In the crystal USB disk in the center, there are memory fragments of the female scientist who disappeared ten years ago: "All home appliances are playing you" "Find the woman wearing Pikachu pajamas" "Don't believe the countdown——" Right now, my smartband is broadcasting global alerts: "People detected