The Omniscient, Omnipotent System Hiding in a Minor World

Chen Ping'an transmigrates with the All-Knowing Learning System. It only has three functions: instant mastery of powerful techniques, exploiting mission rewards, and trading ordinary junk for treasures in the shop. While my neighbor Zhao Tiezhu is smashing a power-testing stone with a brick, I’m using the System to turn the Body Tempering Art into a work of art. Across the hall, Su Ling'er chases people with poisonous bugs, shouting in Sichuan-Chongqing dialect, “You little punk, why are you running? This bug’s got thicker skin than you!” The fatty squats in a corner chewing spirit herbs, casually making up a doggerel: “Goji berries in the marrow-washing soup, three bowls of wine to strengthen the veins.” The elders are so mad their beards tremble.

System missions pop up at random. While sneaking spirit herbs in a secret realm, we trigger “Taunt the young lord of the demon clan.” Zhao Tiezhu sends him flying with a brick, and I twist the knife: “Your demon claws are rougher than my bath scrubber.” At the sect ceremony, I suddenly comprehend the seventh level of body tempering. The moment my fist smashes through the power-testing stone, the System’s reward hits me right in the face. My four childhood friends and I have been fighting together since we wore split-crotch pants, and now we’re turning the small thousand world upside down with witty retorts, dialects, and doggerel as our cultivation techniques.

Don’t be fooled by the outer sect elders calling me a “good-for-nothing.” Once I use the origin fragments from the shop to feed my companions, our five-man crew will exploit everything from the Qinglan Realm all the way to the Heavenly Dao’s central hub. Zhao Tiezhu’s brick will shatter the arrogance of the middle thousand immortal clans. Su Ling'er’s poisonous bugs will have the sea folk begging, “Please spare us, Auntie!” The fatty’s belly can hold primordial chaos, and Lin Xiaoyu’s silver tongue can argue the Law Saint Hall into collapse. And me? I’ll be behind the System screen, grinning to myself while I comprehend “play the pig to eat the tiger” into the supreme cultivation art.

On this journey, running away when we can’t win? Not a chance! A goofball is the strongest weapon of all: we’ll drive back the demon clan with Northeastern slang and confuse the weapon clan with Wu-dialect rhymes…