If I Can't Get into an Undergraduate Cultivation Program, I'll Study the Demonic Path at Junior College

This is an era of cultivation through education, after the collapse of the Heavenly Dao! In this strange high-martial world, studying is cultivation, and academic qualifications determine your realm!

Here, scholarly clans hold ancient legacies such as The Huanggang Exam Compendium and The Hengshui Heart Sutra. If cultivators from humble backgrounds want to break through the class barrier and survive the Gaokao tribulation, their only option is to sign up for predatory cram schools and endure the trials of the 'Score-Measuring Ruler.'

Here, cultivators practice pure-love divine arts to accelerate their studies, only to be swindled by betrothal gifts, car loans, and mortgages until their families are ruined. That's because the woman practices the divine art of 'female independence.'

Here, after enduring countless hardships and relying on the divine art of filial devotion, a cultivator drains every last coin from his M2-level father and finally gets into graduate school, only for his advisor to plagiarize his thesis and hand it to his high-school-age son. He ends up trapped in an eternal cycle of delayed graduation.

Want to ascend? The gatekeepers of the 985 Heavenly Abode are waiting with delayed-graduation pills, ready for you to submit your thesis.

Are you a returning overseas cultivator? Before you can pass through customs, you'll have to withstand three bolts of the 'Academic Credential Verification Tribulation.' Local graduate students are already waiting at the airport with The Three Thousand Questions on CNKI, ready to deal with you.

So come apply to New Oriental Cultivation Vocational and Technical College.

Here's the next lesson: 'On How to Cleave the Plagiarism-Checking Tribulation with the Sword Art of Calculus.'

Incidentally, our school's famous alumni include the mightiest Great Sage Who Rides the Heavens in history, the Security Emperor Who Stood Alone for All Eternity, and the number-one laborer on the Forbes Merit List: the Labor Emperor Who Works All the Dao so no one else has to, also known as White-Sock Sports Student Li Buren!