The bronze heavenly-horse statue from the Han-dynasty Leitai Tomb in Wuwei has started livestreaming in the middle of the night!
Good-for-nothing Chen Xuanbei is cursed by his sworn brother, dumped by his fiancée, and cast into the desert by his family to feed the wolves. But in an underground palace, he meets the Venerable Heavenly Thunder, chained up for three hundred years. “You little coward, get more followers in my livestream, and I'll teach you the Heaven-Swallowing Thunder Art!” He grills lamb skewers with thunder arts in his left hand and holds up a selfie stick to survive his tribulation with his right. Northwest viewers shower him with gifts: “Lord Thunder God, we've sent you a tribulation rocket! Clear a path for our camel caravan!”
A blind woman who came to life from a Dunhuang mural shows up at his door, plucking her pipa. “Young master, your heartbeat sounds just like my lover's from a thousand years ago.”
The four great clans of Liangzhou panic: this brat is refining pills with nuclear waste! His taotie-patterned vessel absorbs spiritual energy! He's even trained a tomb guardian beast to star in food streams!
Chen Xuanbei lifts the bronze coffin beneath the Leitai. “Folks, what my mother stole from here twenty years ago wasn't a funerary object. It was alien Wi-Fi!”
[Northwest Cultivation Rules: Eat three sets of chariot skewers before your tribulation, use baked potatoes as magical weapons in a fight, and make sure your insults have a hint of desert chives!]
It's written about my hometown, I really like it