Naruto: A World That Never Was

Fugaku: "Please teach me how to get through this crisis!"

Qianyu: "Get through a crisis? Easy. Just start a newspaper. We control entertainment, so we can roast him to death!"

Qianyu: "Would you be willing to become my student?"

Itachi: "Ber, old man, who are you? Are people kidnapping kids this brazenly now?"

Qianyu: "Shisui is my student too."

Itachi: "Teacher, please accept this student's bow!"

Qianyu: "I'll teach you the Body Flicker Technique. Just like your big brother Shisui, you'll be so elusive, seeming both real and unreal, and you'll toy with your enemies in the palm of your hand. How does that sound?"

Naruto: "No, I won't learn it!"

Qianyu: "Then I'll teach you Lightning Release. Just like Kakashi, you'll sweep away all your foes on the battlefield. How does that sound?"

Naruto: "No, I won't learn it!"

Qianyu: "You won't learn this, and you won't learn that." As he spoke, Qianyu tapped Naruto on the head three times. "Hmph." He turned and swept away.

Naruto launched a midnight raid...

Naruto: "Teacher, I want to learn how to beat Sasuke!"

Qianyu: "Good! Then I'll teach you the HG Technique, so you can keep Sasuke pinned down. As for what happens after that... just don't reveal your teacher's name!"

Sasuke: "The HG Technique? Interesting, but it won't work on me... Wait! Naruto, why are you using the Reverse HG Technique?!"

Note: That last part is just for the laughs. Please don't take it seriously!