> Reincarnated as a fifty-year-old loafer, I start a straw-stalk uprising and take on the imperial court.
> Thirty years of industrial revolution crush the feudal dynasty, and at seventy, I ascend the throne as emperor.
> I cough blood onto the dragon throne during my coronation, then that very night, my trusted general Zhao Tieying runs me through with a sword and kicks me off a cliff.
> When I open my eyes again, a crane carries me over a sea of clouds, and the towering gates of the Qinglan Sect rise before me.
> A gatekeeping disciple pinches his nose. “Old man, even cultivation has rules. Where’s your spiritual root?”
> I draw on my skills in pitching a startup: “Comrade, think bigger! The sect needs versatile talent to grow...”
> “Such as?” the examiner asks, giving me a sidelong look.
> “For example, scientifically processing spirit beast dung and turning waste into treasure!”
> And just like that, I become the honorable restroom attendant.
> Until one night, beside the latrine, I run into a ten-thousand-year-old ginseng spirit sneaking a bite of dung...
