#Hilarious Interstellar Antiques Appraisal# #Use Science to Face-Slap the Entire Universe# #How Outrageous Schemes Saved Human Civilization# "The System told me to appraise antiques, not dig up Qin Shi Huang's interstellar buy-now-pay-later bill!" The antiques appraisal System bound to Jiang Xiaoyu had mutated. A bronze cauldron could scan for alien anti-counterfeiting codes, the Imperial Jade Seal livestreamed from Mars, and the Sword of Goujian became an interstellar haggling tool. When he dug up a holographic recording of his grandfather playing mahjong with aliens, he finally realized that the Jiang family hadn't spent generations appraising antiques. They'd been appraising the underwear of cosmic civilizations!
[He Dresses as a Woman to Appraise Antiques and Gets Tipped by Qin Shi Huang] He goes live wearing Yang Guifei's footbinding cloth as a belly wrap and receives 100 Interstellar Carnivals as a gift!
[Drunk, He Exposes the British Museum] One spray of erguotou blows off a thousand years of verdigris, and an old Englishman's wig flies clean off!
[Tattooing a Sun on a Black Hole to Pay Off Its Buy-Now-Pay-Later Bill] The whole universe is waiting for Jiang Xiaoyu to crash and burn, but he mortgages Earth to an alien pawnshop instead...
"Hey, everyone! Today I'm showing you a real treasure!" On camera, Jiang Xiaoyu flips Jupiter's Great Red Spot aside with one shovel, revealing a prehistoric civilization site carved with the word "Demolish." "Look at this patina. Pangu was polishing it when he created heaven and earth!"
The comments explode: [Streamer, quit fooling around! The aliens are about to list Earth on Xianyu!]
