Harry Potter: A Twisted Chosen One? The Young Lady Conquest Battle

(Harry Potter, Draco genderbend, Harry/Draco pairing, romance, comedy, happy ending, Hogwarts, light novel, gossip?) Perverted straight guy × arrogant young lady. OOC, no angst, happy ending!

Note: Draco is female from birth. This is mainly a comedic romance, deliberately absurd, and not a gender-swap-transformation story. It has an ensemble cast.

Also known as The Hogwarts Courtship Showdown: The Mystery of Miss Malfoy’s Hemline

“THE CHOSEN ONE’S ZIPPER IS ALWAYS UNZIPPED!”

The silver-and-green Slytherin robes fluttered across the Quidditch stands as Draco Malfoy raised her binoculars and accurately lobbed paper cranes at the Gryffindor section.

“Potter! Your owl’s thrown another love letter onto my bed!”

Aberforth stared pensively at the professors who had packed the Hog’s Head. A bunch of drunks.

Miss Goat chewed on the Daily Prophet’s headline: “The Chosen One Sneaks Out at Night Just to Steal the Young Lady’s Hair Ribbon?” The accompanying picture showed Harry, sporting a bird’s nest of hair, tap dancing on the windowsill of the Slytherin dormitory.

The history of this famous Hogwarts pair of bickering rivals includes, but is not limited to:

• Turning each other into Nifflers who can pole dance in Transfiguration class (McGonagall: “Fifty points from each of you! But first, let me take a picture.”)

• Turning a Forbidden Forest duel into a Fantastic Beasts matchmaking event (Unicorn: “The pheromone levels on you two are off the charts, you know?”)

When Draco launched into her hundredth taunt, “Potter, your underwear is such an ugly color,” Harry fired back: “Who was sneaking a feel of my broomstick handle yesterday? Who spiked my Pumpkin Juice with a Love Potion last week? And who’s hiding in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom crying right now?”