Borrowing Cultivation from the Celestial Court, I Run Circles Around the Gods

[Primordial World and Journey to the West + ruthless and decisive + rock-bottom morals + absurd humor]

Chen Youde looked at the pitiful Sun Wukong trapped beneath Five Elements Mountain and shook his head helplessly.

“Wukong, do you want revenge? Do you want your freedom?”

“I do! I dream of it every day!” Sun Wukong replied firmly.

“I can help you. Come on, give me your hand!”

“Where did I get a hundred and fifty thousand years of cultivation from?!” Sun Wukong exclaimed, utterly shocked by the changes in his body.

Chen Youde smiled. “That’s your reserve cultivation from the Heavenly Court’s cultivation loan. You can borrow it whenever you need it. It’s incredibly convenient!”

Sun Wukong blanched. “Th-this is a cultivation loan! I’m afraid…”

“Relax. Heavenly Court Loans is a lending product under the Heavenly Court. It’s safe and reliable, with interest as low as 0.3 percent. Borrow ten thousand years of cultivation and you’ll only owe a few dozen years’ worth of interest…”

…

Bull Demon King: “Boss Chen, your interest rates are ridiculously high. I can’t pay you back! Please don’t force me!”

Chen Youde: “Can’t pay me back? Fine! Princess Iron Fan still has her charms, and there’s also Jade-Faced Fox and Pingping, your daughter…”

Jade Emperor: “Let me reiterate: Heavenly Court Loans has absolutely nothing to do with our Heavenly Court. It’s an illegal product, and we’re out looking for Chen Youde that bastard too!”

Tathagata: “I believed his lies and borrowed a Quasi-Saint’s peak cultivation. Now the interest has piled up so much that even giving him all of Spirit Mountain wouldn’t cover it. What a rip-off!”