At Our Engagement Banquet, My Girlfriend Had a Delivery Girl Take Her Place as the Bride

My girlfriend can go on dates all 365 days of the year, ordering 365 different errand runners to take her place.

All because her attention-seeking ex is acting out a "win-your-wife-back-after-losing-her" drama and keeps threatening to hurt himself.

I suggested we move to another city.

But my girlfriend yelled at me, "If he dies, you'll be a murderer!"

"You really can't stand him being around? You're so petty!"

Then, on the day of our engagement party, she hired an errand runner to take her place again.

This time, I slipped the ring onto the runner's finger. "Sure. Let's get a different bride."