Face-Slapping Appraisal Experts: National-Treasure Fanatics Beg Me to Stop

I've made replicas of bronze artifacts, gold-threaded jade burial suits, terracotta warriors, Dunhuang murals, Tang sancai pottery, Jun ware, Ru ware, Yuan dynasty blue-and-white porcelain, chicken cups, Xuande incense burners, famille rose porcelain, Yuan Shikai silver dollars, antique ceramics, and more.

But even if you insist on praising me and claiming I can replicate every cultural relic from China's five thousand years of history, I still have to humbly admit: I really can't reproduce the oracle bone turtle shells.

As for calligraphy and painting, my experience is limited. I've only copied works by old masters like Zhang Zhi, Wang Xizhi, Sun Guoting, Yan Zhenqing, Zhao Mengfu, Tang Yin, Wen Zhengming, Dong Qichang, and Shen Quan.

If you want me to imitate the styles of Zhang Daqian, Qi Baishi, Xu Beihong, Pu Ru, or Li Keran, that's no problem either, though it might cost a little more.

I can also make convincing imitations of endangered materials like ivory, rhino horn, giant clam shell, red coral, hornbill, and nautilus shell. As long as no one runs tests, even an expert could be fooled.

More importantly, none of this carries any legal risk.

Fake IDs?

Sorry, I only make artworks. I don't dabble in fake documents.

These silver bracelets of yours?

Sorry, they're still a cut below the fine pieces I have.

As soon as he finished speaking, a pair of handcuffs suddenly snapped around his wrists.

Roger was at a loss for tears.

He was a legitimate inheritor of intangible cultural heritage.