Subtitle: The story of an Earth trader who sells “counterfeit and shoddy goods” to become a top-tier star across the multiverse in an endless series of instances: “This story is entirely made up. Do not imitate it, or you may be singled out by the Galactic Consumer Association as a cautionary example.”
[Prologue]
My name is Li Er Gou. I’m a man, a homeowner at Unit 2, Building 3, Jiangdong Residential Compound, Jiangdong Subdistrict, Jiangdong City, Jiangdong Province, Huaxia District, Earth. My main job is an honorary cashier at the convenience store downstairs. My side hustle is helping the widow Wang next door carry jugs of purified water. That is, until the day I received a text message: [Dear homeowner of Unit 502, in recognition of your three consecutive months at the top of our compound’s “Most Persuasive Salesperson of Health Supplements to Elderly Residents” leaderboard, the Galactic Bureau of Interstellar Trade cordially invites you to become Trade Specialist B-9527. Three-day probation. After confirmation, you’ll receive five types of insurance and a housing fund, plus a spaceship with built-in Wi-Fi and jailbreak capabilities.] I was munching on spicy strips at the time, so I casually replied, “1.” The next second, my toilet turned into a portal and sucked me in, spicy strips and all.
Volume One: The Zombie Planet
Chapter One: The Toilet Sucked Me into the Wasteland, and All I Had Was Spicy Strips
My name is Li Er Gou. Half an hour ago, I was still in my own bathroom, trying to figure out “how to fold a dragon out of a roll of toilet paper.” Then my toilet suddenly went, “Beep beep beep, the ride’s about to start!” A beam of blue light burst out of the toilet bowl like a birthday disco ball at Haidilao. Before I could pull up my pants, it sucked me in, toilet paper and all.
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself standing in a wasteland covered in lush green.
The sky was the color of chives.
