Don’t Go Crazy, I’ll Do It

As she sank into the sea, Song Qian watched her own body vanish behind a haze of blood... She woke up in the body of a nobody actress, barely famous enough to rank among the bottom eighteen tiers. The Song family was wealthy and powerful, and Song Qian had money and looks. That was enough. Her first act after coming back to life: attend her own funeral. “If I don’t get to enjoy the feast at my own funeral, what’s the point?” Her second act: hire male escorts. Song Qian beckoned, wearing a smile made up of three parts mockery, three parts cold indifference, and four parts nonchalance. Her eyes unfocused, she said, “Come here.” The male escort looked surprised and pointed at himself. “Me?” Song Qian grinned, carefree. “Yeah. Remember me? We’ve known each other since we were kids. Not.” Her third act: go on a dating reality show. She stared awkwardly at the male escort she’d hired. “Your line of work has a pretty wide employment range.” She traded barbs with her estranged idol brother, reminding him, “Take good care of my Xiao Huan.” She dealt with her cheating ex, who pretended to be devoted, and locked him up with his fake-sweet white lotus girlfriend so they couldn’t pollute the dating pool.