My agent says I don’t work hard enough.
Well, if I actually tried, would anyone else stand a chance?
Other people claw their way to becoming a top-tier star by chasing traffic and fans. Me? Apparently, all I have to do is pick up trash.
Reporter: Could you tell us how you became a top-tier star?
Me: Lie flat, slack off, and keep “picking up trash.”
Reporter: Nice.
Random passerby: I don’t get it.
Reporter: What would you like to say about your partner?
Me: Uh, he’s too perfect, but I’m even more perfect than he is. (Haughty little hum.)
Reporter: ...
Random passerby: Nice.
