"I love her. But I don't understand her.
Why did my daughter choose such a difficult life?
Why would you put yourself in a situation where you are disliked and faced with hostility? "
As a mother, "I" have lived for my daughter all my life and have many expectations for my daughter. The daughter feels that her mother never listens to her, and even brings back her female partner, forcing her mother to accept that they are about to deviate from the "normal" future.
At the same time, the mother witnessed Ms. Jane, the patient in charge of her nursing home, becoming a burden abandoned by the institution and society because she suffered from dementia. In Jane, the mother seemed to see herself going from loneliness to death as an old woman, and she also saw the future of her daughter who could also face similar tragedies...
In the misunderstanding and tearing, in the repeated attempts of dialogue and suturing, the mother and daughter are simultaneously pushed by the power of the inner and outer worlds, moving forward, gradually approaching each other...
Reader comments
"Your daughter is actually not your daughter, but your daughter-in-law.
That is why you require dexterity in her hands to serve her husband.
That is why you admonished her to be gentle in temperament to tolerate her master.
That's why you trimmed her ambition and weakened it so that she could be content with her family.
That's why you controlled her financial constraints to trap her in her marriage.
Many people say they love their daughters, but in fact they don't, not at all. They lift the veil of confusing warmth, exclude those soft words that seem beautiful, ignore those petty profits, and look directly at the ultimate beneficiary of the interests.
It depends on whether the daughter's final living environment is free and comfortable, whether her life choices are based on her heart, whether she owns money and real estate, whether her status and power are consistent, whether her ideals and ambitions are finally realized, and whether her career and hobbies are continuously cultivated.
Then you will find out that they actually love the son-in-law. They believe that the adopted daughter must be cashed in through a man, otherwise it is just a lottery ticket that cannot be cashed in after spending money. What they want to achieve is ultimately men. "
A daughter is conceived in her mother's body and grows up in her mother's care. It seems that mother and daughter are more likely to resonate and understand each other better. But in fact, the moment the daughter was born, the mother and the daughter were two independent individuals. With the era and social environment in which they live, there is a generation gap between the two generations. Mutual understanding is sometimes difficult to achieve. It is just that each other's love for each other is higher than mutual understanding, so they choose not to interfere.
Children are never accessories to their parents. When they come to this world, they also need to practice independently to complete their lives. Their choices may be smooth sailing or full of thorns, but so what, isn't life full of different expressions?
It is very real. It does not force a happy ending, but stops the problem at the foot, just like our life, walking, thinking and watching.
The mother does not understand why her daughter chooses to become a so-called alien, and does not understand why her daughter disregards her own safety for the benefit of irrelevant people. However, the mother's attitude towards Jane just proves that perhaps mother and daughter are essentially the same kind of people, but the daughter is already trying to break the society's discipline on women, but the mother has only just realized this problem.
Maternal love in East Asia is always so divided. If you want your daughter to have a good career, you have to get married and have children to meet the mother's expectations. Only in this way can she have the value of showing off.
Our daughter is not your pet and cannot listen to you. We can never control her. Understanding this will save us a lot of trouble.
Looking at the mother-daughter relationship from the mother's perspective is not just conflict, authoritarianism, and desire for control, but the mother's reflection, struggle, and trying to understand, but the contradiction of being unable to transcend her own cognition.
It's particularly beautiful. Different female characters appear vividly on the paper. Different tones, different language expressions, and different ideological collisions make people sometimes act as mothers and sometimes act as daughters. Especially after reading the whole story and then reading the final introduction, it is thought-provoking.
Is it a mother or a daughter? Every perspective has its own rewards! Really beautiful
This book profoundly depicts the conflicts and misunderstandings between mother and daughter, which made me empathize. The author delicately depicts the characters' personalities and experiences, which gave me a deeper understanding of both mother and daughter. The stories in the book were thought-provoking and made me think about family relationships and society's acceptance of different choices. Recommended to anyone who is about to get married, it will bring a lot of enlightenment.
Jane is really a complex character, at least in my opinion. Jane let "me" see herself and her daughter's future, so she didn't want her daughter to live such a life. She is "my" mother and has become "my" spiritual support and an emotional outlet. On the other hand, she needs care and is someone who is attached to "me". "I" take care of her and becomes her mother. By taking care of her, "I" understands how my daughter feels. Why not help those people? They are also the children of certain people. This is the right she deserves.
This is a complex world with complex human nature.
When you see unreasonable things in your life, you may be used to unfairness and unreasonableness, but your inner desire and courage will still emerge. I don't understand why my daughter would step forward, put herself on an unstable balance, and even get hurt because of it. But when she saw Jane being treated roughly, she would still speak up and complain about what was unreasonable and demand what was reasonable.
The mother does not understand her daughter, but she is not a daughter.
Everyone was carried forward by the mudslide.
Ah - let me say a few words:
It is probably a mother who is constantly struggling between feudal thoughts and love for her daughter. Her soul is trapped by the outside world, and she wants to break through the shackles but is unable to do so. Thought provoking, recommended.
After reading this book, I have further insights into the relationship between mother and daughter. When faced with the same thing, it is not surprising that mothers and daughters will have differences because of their different identities, different experiences, and different education and information they have received. But if you keep holding on to a conflicting point without letting go, not only will the problem not be solved, but the conflict will gradually expand. As time goes by, people will change, and emotions will also change. During the changes, we should constantly try to understand and feel the other party's position and situation, and constantly change our views during the changes, to pursue the unchanging true emotions, but not ignore the progress of the times and society. Understanding that change is inevitable for the times and society may be a better way to deal with the inter-generational gap.
The change in my attitude after reading this book is just like the feeling my mother gave me, first resisting, and then gradually accepting. Her thoughts are not unreasonable. Everything has its own reason, and I can believe it.
What is life like after aging and how the current society views it? However, maybe I don't see it comprehensively, but these two reasons will not change because I become a good mother, a good daughter, and a good family member. Society will also ignite the voice of discussion because of all aspects of people, not just sexual orientation.
It is true that the so-called public sexual orientation may be less discussed, but it also sacrifices oneself. The daughter and her partner love each other very much, and the forced separation is like losing a part of themselves. Seven years is not a short number/time.
/
"Recalling those times that my daughter can't remember, long ago, are still vivid." This made me feel a sense of irritability. Where did this come from? It must have been my thoughts about my mother.
The world is always complicated, but when it comes to my family, I don't always make monotonous guesses. But at moments like this, I inevitably feel like there's something stuck in my throat, something that breaks the routine.
And the worst thing is that this is just a glimpse of everything from one person, and it is even so simple and straightforward, directly linked to my mother, and she may not really think so, everything is just my thoughts.
It seems that I am sentimental, more entangled than anyone else, and have a colder face than anyone else.
I think this book is very ordinary. This idea is too arrogant. It doesn't mean that she is bad, but it means that I haven't seen too many dazzling parts. I haven't seen too many. However, in my eyes, this kind of mother and daughter are just like Slow Street, and they don't even make waves.
It wasn't until I saw the introduction that I suddenly realized and remembered, oh, I think there are many stories about mothers and daughters, but in fact they are not many, and they are even rare.
Regarding my mother's attitude towards Jane, I read other people's comments before I finished writing the book review, and then I realized what I saw when my mother took Jane away.
It is the overlap of mother and daughter. They are indeed mother and daughter, born from the same origin.
[Blowing Kiss] caused some thoughts about the real mother-daughter relationship and family.
Buried behind the unconditional dedication and busyness of East Asian women to their families are the inevitable loneliness, aging and death.
The mother thinks that to understand her daughter who is gay is to "give up on my daughter's life where she can live an upright and ordinary life." But her daughter just fell in love with someone of the same sex. Is this her fault? It is well written and will make people think, "I only think about today's things, and at the same time hope that these things can end safely and smoothly, and try to believe that I can also spend countless long tomorrows."
I originally read this book with the idea of understanding the role of "mother". I didn't expect that my daughter was gay, and I didn't expect that it would trigger my thinking about sexual minorities.
In fact, I felt a little uncomfortable while watching it. I felt that the "mother" was very ignorant, and her thoughts also made me very angry. She was trapped in the fixed thinking of normal marriage and love, and could not see the firmness and happiness in her daughter's heart. The daughter just faced her sexual orientation calmly and stayed true to her inner emotional choices, but she became an "abnormal" child in the eyes of her mother. She even felt that she "let her daughter read too many books."
We have reached an age where both parties can understand. I completely disagree with my mother's attitude of denying her daughter. There is no right or wrong about sexual orientation. Every sincere love should be respected, but I cannot completely blame my mother. Her stubbornness hides the cognitive limitations brought by the times.
Suddenly I remembered a sentence I saw before, "In East Asian families, daughters often play the role of their mother's husband." Many mothers cannot find comfort in marriage, so they transfer all their spiritual sustenance, life expectations, and emotional dependence to their daughters. Daughters have been invisibly given a dual identity since childhood. They are both well-behaved and sensible daughters, and they also have to serve as their mothers' emotional partners and spiritual sustenance, filling the emotional vacancy of their husbands.
OK, that's it, I actually stayed up late today QAQ
I haven't been in a good mood lately. When I read this book, I was having a hard time understanding many of my mother's thoughts, so it was hard not to feel like my daughter, and to criticize in my mind how stubborn my mother's ideas were and how unwilling she was to understand her daughter.
Although it is difficult to say that I can completely sympathize with my mother's feelings after reading this book, I still understand that no matter what, the mother actually loves her daughter (although sometimes it is really tiring to communicate when the concepts are inconsistent), and it is precisely because of this love that I slowly try to face, understand, accept and change without knowing it.
After reading to the end, the author did not put a happy ending in front of us, but I still think that no matter how difficult it is, there will be a happy ending.
Yes, my mother currently holds such a concept, such as getting married, having children, choosing a partner, and whether my partner is a boy or a girl. If I don't do what she says, I am disobeying her.
Narrating a mother-daughter conflict from a mother's perspective reflects the situation of women in Korean society. I clicked in by chance, thinking it would be educational chicken soup, but I didn't expect it to be a good book.
Excerpt: In a capitalist society where women's invisible labor accumulates surplus value; in South Korea, where the household head system that suppressed women's identity has been abolished less than ten years ago; and in South Korea's neoliberal system, where every means is used to force women to take informal positions—women are placed in necessary but excluded positions.
This book is written very delicately and naturally. She expresses everyone's own thoughts and opinions like green-white sap flowing out of trees, and green sap flowing out when the leaves are squeezed.
The article is not long, but it is very delicate. The author uses very clear language to describe the complex moods and thoughts of different characters. I often feel bitter when reading it, because I am too idealistic, so when faced with the complex, painful and clear things in the book, the pain always arises from the heart. All in all, I hope more and more people will be happy
Is the relationship between mother and daughter a subject that needs to be explored throughout a lifetime? You brought me into this world and hoped that I would live the way you expected. But I gradually became independent and went the opposite way to your expectations. We argued with words and hurt with alienation, but we couldn't find a compromise point that both parties agreed on.
A book worth pondering
"They are at the center of life,
Standing on solid ground that is neither fantasy nor dream,
Just like me in the past, just like everyone else in the past,
These two children lived a cruel life. "
The story is about the perspective of a mother who transcends herself in her own life, but is stuck in her own ways when it comes to her daughter.
Then you can really take a look, especially the author at the end, who said it is quite profound.
I hope that this society will give daughters a career that can protect themselves, rather than based on their orientation. Please treat them as ordinary people. Orientation is just a trivial matter.
The mother gradually transformed from incomprehension, uneasiness and worry about her daughter being gay and being overly involved in things that had nothing to do with her, to hoping that the world would give these minority groups fair opportunities and living space. The mother's name does not appear in the entire text, which depicts the complex psychology of countless mothers full of hope, worry, uneasiness, and fear for their daughters' future, as well as their desire for a fairer, safer, and better world environment.
The emotional description is very delicate and rich, and the impact of different thoughts between my mother and me is also very concrete. It is a very good book. It also has good thoughts on whether to be on the outside. It is a good book.
Psychological activities are very real and delicate
"Your daughter is actually not your daughter, but your daughter-in-law. That is why you require dexterity in her hands to serve her husband. That is why you admonished her to be gentle in temperament to tolerate her master. That's why you trimmed her ambition and weakened it so that she could be content with her family. That's why you controlled her financial constraints to trap her in her marriage. Many people say they love their daughters, but in fact they don't, not at all. They lift the veil of confusing warmth, exclude those soft words that seem beautiful, ignore those petty profits, and look directly at the ultimate beneficiary of the interests. It depends on whether the daughter's final living environment is free and comfortable, whether her life choices are based on her heart, whether she owns money and real estate, whether her status and power are consistent, whether her ideals and ambitions are finally realized, and whether her career and hobbies are continuously cultivated. Then you will find out that they actually love the son-in-law. They believe that the adopted daughter must be cashed in through a man, otherwise it is just a lottery ticket that cannot be cashed in after spending money. What they want to achieve is ultimately men. "
A daughter is conceived in her mother's body and grows up in her mother's care. It seems that mother and daughter are more likely to resonate and understand each other better. But in fact, the moment the daughter was born, the mother and the daughter were two independent individuals. With the era and social environment in which they live, there is a generation gap between the two generations. Mutual understanding is sometimes difficult to achieve. It is just that each other's love for each other is higher than mutual understanding, so they choose not to interfere. Children are never accessories to their parents. When they come to this world, they also need to practice independently to complete their lives. Their choices may be smooth sailing or full of thorns, but so what, isn't life full of different expressions?
It is very real. It does not force a happy ending, but stops the problem at the foot, just like our life, walking, thinking and watching.
The mother does not understand why her daughter chooses to become a so-called alien, and does not understand why her daughter disregards her own safety for the benefit of irrelevant people. However, the mother's attitude towards Jane just proves that perhaps mother and daughter are essentially the same kind of people, but the daughter is already trying to break the society's discipline on women, but the mother has only just realized this problem.
Maternal love in East Asia is always so divided. If you want your daughter to have a good career, you have to get married and have children to meet the mother's expectations. Only in this way can she have the value of showing off. Our daughter is not your pet and cannot listen to you. We can never control her. Understanding this will save us a lot of trouble.
Looking at the mother-daughter relationship from the mother's perspective is not just conflict, authoritarianism, and desire for control, but the mother's reflection, struggle, and trying to understand, but the contradiction of being unable to transcend her own cognition.
It's particularly beautiful. Different female characters appear vividly on the paper. Different tones, different language expressions, and different ideological collisions make people sometimes act as mothers and sometimes act as daughters. Especially after reading the whole story and then reading the final introduction, it is thought-provoking.
Is it a mother or a daughter? Every perspective has its own rewards! Really beautiful
This book profoundly depicts the conflicts and misunderstandings between mother and daughter, which made me empathize. The author delicately depicts the characters' personalities and experiences, which gave me a deeper understanding of both mother and daughter. The stories in the book were thought-provoking and made me think about family relationships and society's acceptance of different choices. Recommended to anyone who is about to get married, it will bring a lot of enlightenment.
Jane is really a complex character, at least in my opinion. Jane let "me" see herself and her daughter's future, so she didn't want her daughter to live such a life. She is "my" mother and has become "my" spiritual support and an emotional outlet. On the other hand, she needs care and is someone who is attached to "me". "I" take care of her and becomes her mother. By taking care of her, "I" understands how my daughter feels. Why not help those people? They are also the children of certain people. This is the right she deserves.
This is a complex world with complex human nature. When you see unreasonable things in your life, you may be used to unfairness and unreasonableness, but your inner desire and courage will still emerge. I don't understand why my daughter would step forward, put herself on an unstable balance, and even get hurt because of it. But when she saw Jane being treated roughly, she would still speak up and complain about what was unreasonable and demand what was reasonable. The mother does not understand her daughter, but she is not a daughter. Everyone was carried forward by the mudslide.
Ah - let me say a few words: It is probably a mother who is constantly struggling between feudal thoughts and love for her daughter. Her soul is trapped by the outside world, and she wants to break through the shackles but is unable to do so. Thought provoking, recommended.
After reading this book, I have further insights into the relationship between mother and daughter. When faced with the same thing, it is not surprising that mothers and daughters will have differences because of their different identities, different experiences, and different education and information they have received. But if you keep holding on to a conflicting point without letting go, not only will the problem not be solved, but the conflict will gradually expand. As time goes by, people will change, and emotions will also change. During the changes, we should constantly try to understand and feel the other party's position and situation, and constantly change our views during the changes, to pursue the unchanging true emotions, but not ignore the progress of the times and society. Understanding that change is inevitable for the times and society may be a better way to deal with the inter-generational gap.
The change in my attitude after reading this book is just like the feeling my mother gave me, first resisting, and then gradually accepting. Her thoughts are not unreasonable. Everything has its own reason, and I can believe it. What is life like after aging and how the current society views it? However, maybe I don't see it comprehensively, but these two reasons will not change because I become a good mother, a good daughter, and a good family member. Society will also ignite the voice of discussion because of all aspects of people, not just sexual orientation. It is true that the so-called public sexual orientation may be less discussed, but it also sacrifices oneself. The daughter and her partner love each other very much, and the forced separation is like losing a part of themselves. Seven years is not a short number/time. / "Recalling those times that my daughter can't remember, long ago, are still vivid." This made me feel a sense of irritability. Where did this come from? It must have been my thoughts about my mother. The world is always complicated, but when it comes to my family, I don't always make monotonous guesses. But at moments like this, I inevitably feel like there's something stuck in my throat, something that breaks the routine. And the worst thing is that this is just a glimpse of everything from one person, and it is even so simple and straightforward, directly linked to my mother, and she may not really think so, everything is just my thoughts. It seems that I am sentimental, more entangled than anyone else, and have a colder face than anyone else. I think this book is very ordinary. This idea is too arrogant. It doesn't mean that she is bad, but it means that I haven't seen too many dazzling parts. I haven't seen too many. However, in my eyes, this kind of mother and daughter are just like Slow Street, and they don't even make waves. It wasn't until I saw the introduction that I suddenly realized and remembered, oh, I think there are many stories about mothers and daughters, but in fact they are not many, and they are even rare. Regarding my mother's attitude towards Jane, I read other people's comments before I finished writing the book review, and then I realized what I saw when my mother took Jane away. It is the overlap of mother and daughter. They are indeed mother and daughter, born from the same origin.
[Blowing Kiss] caused some thoughts about the real mother-daughter relationship and family.
Buried behind the unconditional dedication and busyness of East Asian women to their families are the inevitable loneliness, aging and death.
The mother thinks that to understand her daughter who is gay is to "give up on my daughter's life where she can live an upright and ordinary life." But her daughter just fell in love with someone of the same sex. Is this her fault? It is well written and will make people think, "I only think about today's things, and at the same time hope that these things can end safely and smoothly, and try to believe that I can also spend countless long tomorrows."
I originally read this book with the idea of understanding the role of "mother". I didn't expect that my daughter was gay, and I didn't expect that it would trigger my thinking about sexual minorities. In fact, I felt a little uncomfortable while watching it. I felt that the "mother" was very ignorant, and her thoughts also made me very angry. She was trapped in the fixed thinking of normal marriage and love, and could not see the firmness and happiness in her daughter's heart. The daughter just faced her sexual orientation calmly and stayed true to her inner emotional choices, but she became an "abnormal" child in the eyes of her mother. She even felt that she "let her daughter read too many books." We have reached an age where both parties can understand. I completely disagree with my mother's attitude of denying her daughter. There is no right or wrong about sexual orientation. Every sincere love should be respected, but I cannot completely blame my mother. Her stubbornness hides the cognitive limitations brought by the times. Suddenly I remembered a sentence I saw before, "In East Asian families, daughters often play the role of their mother's husband." Many mothers cannot find comfort in marriage, so they transfer all their spiritual sustenance, life expectations, and emotional dependence to their daughters. Daughters have been invisibly given a dual identity since childhood. They are both well-behaved and sensible daughters, and they also have to serve as their mothers' emotional partners and spiritual sustenance, filling the emotional vacancy of their husbands. OK, that's it, I actually stayed up late today QAQ
I haven't been in a good mood lately. When I read this book, I was having a hard time understanding many of my mother's thoughts, so it was hard not to feel like my daughter, and to criticize in my mind how stubborn my mother's ideas were and how unwilling she was to understand her daughter. Although it is difficult to say that I can completely sympathize with my mother's feelings after reading this book, I still understand that no matter what, the mother actually loves her daughter (although sometimes it is really tiring to communicate when the concepts are inconsistent), and it is precisely because of this love that I slowly try to face, understand, accept and change without knowing it. After reading to the end, the author did not put a happy ending in front of us, but I still think that no matter how difficult it is, there will be a happy ending.
Yes, my mother currently holds such a concept, such as getting married, having children, choosing a partner, and whether my partner is a boy or a girl. If I don't do what she says, I am disobeying her.
Narrating a mother-daughter conflict from a mother's perspective reflects the situation of women in Korean society. I clicked in by chance, thinking it would be educational chicken soup, but I didn't expect it to be a good book. Excerpt: In a capitalist society where women's invisible labor accumulates surplus value; in South Korea, where the household head system that suppressed women's identity has been abolished less than ten years ago; and in South Korea's neoliberal system, where every means is used to force women to take informal positions—women are placed in necessary but excluded positions.
This book is written very delicately and naturally. She expresses everyone's own thoughts and opinions like green-white sap flowing out of trees, and green sap flowing out when the leaves are squeezed.
The article is not long, but it is very delicate. The author uses very clear language to describe the complex moods and thoughts of different characters. I often feel bitter when reading it, because I am too idealistic, so when faced with the complex, painful and clear things in the book, the pain always arises from the heart. All in all, I hope more and more people will be happy
Is the relationship between mother and daughter a subject that needs to be explored throughout a lifetime? You brought me into this world and hoped that I would live the way you expected. But I gradually became independent and went the opposite way to your expectations. We argued with words and hurt with alienation, but we couldn't find a compromise point that both parties agreed on.
A book worth pondering
"They are at the center of life, Standing on solid ground that is neither fantasy nor dream, Just like me in the past, just like everyone else in the past, These two children lived a cruel life. "
The story is about the perspective of a mother who transcends herself in her own life, but is stuck in her own ways when it comes to her daughter. Then you can really take a look, especially the author at the end, who said it is quite profound. I hope that this society will give daughters a career that can protect themselves, rather than based on their orientation. Please treat them as ordinary people. Orientation is just a trivial matter.
The mother gradually transformed from incomprehension, uneasiness and worry about her daughter being gay and being overly involved in things that had nothing to do with her, to hoping that the world would give these minority groups fair opportunities and living space. The mother's name does not appear in the entire text, which depicts the complex psychology of countless mothers full of hope, worry, uneasiness, and fear for their daughters' future, as well as their desire for a fairer, safer, and better world environment.
The emotional description is very delicate and rich, and the impact of different thoughts between my mother and me is also very concrete. It is a very good book. It also has good thoughts on whether to be on the outside. It is a good book.
Psychological activities are very real and delicate