My Career in Exorcism

There was a coffin in the storage room of my house. It had been sitting there for ten years. Grandpa said it was for cultivating a corpse.

To cultivate a corpse, you need to choose a place with four kinds of yin energy and a desolate layout. Dig a three-foot-deep pit, burn talismans and chant incantations, then toss them into the bottom of the pit. Bury the corpse there for a day. The next day, dig it up and place it in a coffin made of incense cedar, a wood with especially strong yin energy. Keep it as far from the ground as possible, feed the corpse crow's blood instead of chicken blood, and use the Eight Trigrams mirror on its chest to draw in the strongest yin energy. Only then will the ritual succeed.

It wasn't until later that I found out the corpse was me!