The man standing before you is the conqueror of Japan, the gravedigger of the Qing Dynasty, the protector of Southeast Asian nations, and the most powerful hegemon in seventeenth-century East Asia: Yuan Si.
Tokugawa: “I can't sign any more! There are so many unequal treaties, I can't possibly sign them all!”
Kangxi: “He defeated Oboi and crushed the Revolt of the Three Feudatories. Yuan Si is the greatest warrior of our Qing. But why is he sending me to the Arctic to be a chieftain? What do you mean, the Arctic is north too?”
Wu Sangui: “We agreed to rebel together and drive the Manchus beyond the pass. How did I end up getting driven all the way to northern Myanmar? I don't want to be the king of northern Myanmar!”
The nations of Southeast Asia: “We could never repay Lord Yuan Si's kindness in a lifetime. Being Lord Yuan's dog is our greatest honor.”
Yuan Si: “Until the Qing has shed its very last drop of blood, I, Yuan Si, will remain forever loyal to the Qing.”
