Z's Life

I'm Z.

They say thirty is a dividing line for women. Whether your life is going well depends on whether the color of that line is one you like. I don't think I like mine very much. It's a bewildering shade of white, like the white walls of a new room. Empty, leaving you helpless and at a loss. I'm an ordinary worker, living the same clock-in-and-out routine every day. Life is as still as stagnant water. I wish it were as turbulent as the sea, yet also as calm and unruffled as a little river. There's only one thing in my life that leaves me feeling helpless and wanting to escape: I dream every day. I can have several dreams, but one of them is always the same, with the same person and different stories, year after year, decade after decade. I dream of someone from my past, someone I haven't seen in fifteen years. He was my first love. I was too young when I first began to understand love, too naive to know how to like someone or how to get along with them. I only knew that if I was happy, I liked them, and if I wasn't, I didn't. I didn't understand that when you're young and foolish, you can sometimes deceive yourself, too. Even less did I know that the past could leave scars that linger.