Malice, kindness, longing, yearning, remembrance: people are a jumble of thoughts and desires. We create them, and they control us. The thoughts in our hearts can shape the fate of individuals, groups, and even the world. They can take the form of demons that emerge into the open, haunting you, tearing at you, and destroying you. They are everywhere, yet nowhere to be found. Where are they? What do they look like? What consequences do they bring? No one knows, and it seems no one cares. In this foul, chaotic world, people’s thoughts and desires add another layer of fantastical illusion, suffocating yet captivating, impossible to escape from lightly.
Perhaps I write to search for hidden connections between the imaginary and the real. Perhaps I yearn to find the source of these thoughts in a fantastical realm. Perhaps I simply want to release the emotions and feelings I have nowhere to put. In the end, I don’t seem to have any answers. I’ve wandered and searched without purpose, and now I’m tired. I’ve stopped, hoping to find answers in the strange. I begin to imagine the void, look back on the past, and gaze toward the future. Since childhood, I’ve been accustomed to being sensible and quiet. After cowering and waiting again and again as a child, I grew weary of the misery and humiliation of sitting around for answers to fall from the sky. I want to take the initiative, bravely seek answers, and make up for the hurts of my childhood. This novel is both my imagination and a vessel for expressing myself. I hope it can fill a void in my heart and give voice to what I feel.
I’ve paused writing due to health reasons. Thank you for understanding. The hiatus is indefinite.
