Travel Through System Failure and Save the Ending!

Emmm, my suggestion is to add the protagonist's psychological journey. Isn't it that she is timid? Why was she so scared when she saw someone die in front of her for the first time? There was nothing but anger towards the system from the beginning. Isn't she scared, isn't she scared, doesn't she want to escape? It doesn't require a long description, at least there must be a transition. Also, the characters in it are very thin. Because you are a novice, you can write a characteristic first. For example, the sister in the house likes to wear red or white clothes, or wears a silver ring or something. She must have a characteristic. Others should include a description of the scenery and characters of the mansion. Apart from these, I just reopened this one to be more interesting. The introduction is not bad, but the writing style needs to be polished.