My Maid Wants to Kill Me

Coming up, we present a precious magical recording of Count Tang Wei Monk, winner of this year’s [Best Lord Award], going about his daily business managing his territory.

In the recording, Tang Wei stands atop the city wall, surveying his lands and directing their development. He turns to his steward and says:

“I’ll tell you today’s tasks. Write them down.”

“Small farms. We need small farms.”

“Employees only get a meal if they work a full twelve hours.”

“Two days off a month. If they’re not dead, work them to death.”

“Put the southern wasteland on the development schedule, too. Tell those nouveau riche who want to mine there that the mage had bleeding gums this morning and was rushed to the emergency room. Raise the rental fee for the magic tractors by fifty percent.”

“Have the dragons looking for postpartum care line up in the forest. They can’t keep flying into my territory every time. They’ve stomped the ground into craters.”

“Also tell the artist that the fire element in the furnace core is running a little hot. He’ll have to add two extra chapters to his web novel today. If the temperature doesn’t come down, drag him out and parade him through the streets.”

Watching his territory thrive and flourish, Tang Wei smiled happily.

At some point, the demigod elf maid had silently appeared behind him. She gently caressed his cheek and asked with a tender smile, “Is that all for your last words, Master?”