My Husband Is Wu Zetian

"Shit, I'm in the Tang dynasty, and I just stepped off the shuttle." On the night a comet streaked by, seventy-six-year-old lifelong bachelor Xue Zhishen found himself in Feng Xiaobao's body.

But the history dunce only knew half the story: "Wei Xiaobao? Now that's authentic, with the flavor of a geisha house!"

What he didn't know was the other half: he was the first male lover of Empress Wu Zetian! Nor did he expect his words to become a prophecy:

[The Sighing Beginning: A Bachelor Starts Out with Nothing but a Shoulder Pole] I jolted upright from a deathbed dream. Had I killed myself?

[The Bitter Fate: Twelve Hours in the Life of a Chang'an Medicine Peddler] A fake eunuch among the forty-nine ordained by Heaven! But one true castrated man is still here?

[The Joyful Foes: Fifteen Days Across Three Cities in Two Capitals] No romance, no passion. How much sorrow can Da Yu'er bear? Just like a spring dream that leaves no trace, the water flows on.

[The Lasting Blessing: Peach-Blossom Calamity for the Eight Beauties of Qinhuai] A whisk sweeps through Heaven's Reliance and Dragon-Slaying. This ill-fated bond is impossible to untangle. The star of doom meets the jinx once more.

He had hoped to become the man behind the empress, but ended up as the man behind the empress. Even as the six-whip warrior cried that he couldn't take any more, he still managed to humblebrag:

"You haven't even finished listening to the intro or reading the blurb, so how can you know if it's a story of love moving on, a tale of the elder and younger Dumas, a journey to Mount Fuji, or the Four Literati of Spring and Autumn?"

[The Lifelong Mistake: One Thousand and One Nights in the Ziwei Palace] The twelve or thirteen golden beauties of Jinling all lose their lives at first sight of Xue Lang. The Old Buddha regains her youth, and Shangguan Wan'er takes flight. See Xue the Wolf again, and it's a lifelong regret. Princess Taiping is anything but peaceful; the food-sharing couple are not a match, and only the one who tied the knot can untie it!

[Late Splendor · Awakening from an Empty Dream · Wasted Longing · Cleverness Brings Ruin · Parting of Flesh and Bone · Sorrow in Joy · Intolerable in This World]

[All's Well That Ends Well: A Seventy-Six-Year Dream of Yellow Millet] Beneath the wordless stele, a legless bird; within the Dream of the Red Chamber, a dreamer...