Family of Origin: How to Fix Your Character Flaws

This book really opened my eyes a lot in an instant. The quarrels between my parents in childhood, the parents were alone, the scenes of quarrels that could only be seen during the Chinese New Year and could not be avoided. The negative, beating and scolding of the parents made a child who has not yet grown up take on the responsibility of taking care of his own emotions and himself prematurely. In adult life, low self-esteem, fear of spending money, and fear, all the experiences suffered in childhood are inherited by adult children. The family that the original family brings to a child affects the child's life. You have to be responsible since you were born, right? If you haven't done this job well, don't give birth easily. If you don't have any feelings, don't get married. It's very tiring to get divorced.

Nowadays, many people have psychological problems, but everyone feels that they are hypocritical, unwilling to face reality, and are coerced and whitewashed by various opinions. Only by facing reality can the problem be solved, and the only one who can save yourself is yourself. There are only so many years in life that we have to be responsible for ourselves and our families.

I feel good, I feel unbearable, I feel great, my life has changed since then. I have been looking for this feeling since I was a child. I feel that there is always something missing, but I really discovered it. I feel that the change now is the biggest change in the sense. I hope I can do well. Rather than being obsessed with what my parents do well, I just hope that I do well myself. That's enough. I want to be my own master. It's up to my parents whether they listen or not. I just make my own choice. I won't say anything to them. I just make my own choices. Whatever I say is what I say. If you want to hear it, just listen. If you don't, forget it. It's that simple.

A very good book and a very helpful one. The first part of the book is the process of uncovering scars. Although it is painful, it is the only way to heal. Only by facing the pain can you find a way to heal yourself. The latter section talks about some ways to cope with a toxic parent and how to heal yourself. The whole story is a process of uncovering scars, facing pain, and slowly healing.

When I saw the title of this book, I clicked on it immediately. After I became an adult, I gradually realized that my parents' love was not unconditional or pure. Especially when I was growing up, the money my dad spent on me was just an investment in education for him. Especially after taking the postgraduate entrance examination, I can clearly feel that my parents' love is related to the glory and interests of face. The care and tone they gave me were more than a little and a half better than when I was an undergraduate. So when I realized this problem, I was extremely painful. If I had no so-called academic qualifications, no so-called decent job, and was just a very ordinary and ordinary person, would my parents' love for me still be so unconditional?

When you can better grasp your past and present relationships with your parents, you will find that your relationships with others, especially yourself, will improve dramatically. Perhaps for the first time in your life, you will have the freedom to enjoy your life. If you can't change others, then change yourself. Who suffers, who changes, who changes, who benefits

All your feelings are valid, especially the dark ones. As long as people who are full of pain in their hearts can discover such a simple truth, their pain will be relieved a lot. This is an inspiring classic of family psychological healing. Dr. Susan Forward uses a large number of real-life materials she has come across in her work to analyze the behaviors of various types of "toxic parents" and how these behaviors harm their children and continue to affect their children's adult lives. What is commendable is that the author's main purpose is not to accuse such parents, but to teach specific countermeasures so that those who have been or are still suffering from parental harm can gain courage and strength, free themselves from the negative relationship pattern with their parents, restore self-confidence and strength, and gain freedom and happiness.

This is the first book Tomato Novels recommended to me, and it is also the only one I have persisted in reading. Thank you to the platform and the author for letting me see such a good work! I began to awaken and accept my emotions. I knew that some encounters were not my fault, and I was no longer trapped in kidnapping. The book also provided solutions and shared relevant cases. It was very comprehensive and helpful. Thank you for this book! I feel like it ended without reading enough [crying] However, I really appreciate the appearance of this book, and I hope that everyone will be happy in their future lives, and that they can bravely end the toxic cycle and save themselves and their children.

Those shadows cannot be erased and I have become a coward.

Some people read stories, some people look in the mirror Some people use their childhood to heal their whole lives, and some people use their whole life to heal their childhood. Happy people each have their own happiness, and unfortunate people all have unhappy childhoods (The first half is a story, and the second half is about methods, but it is not very operable for self-rescue)

It's very healing, a journey where the burden becomes lighter and lighter.

This is a book that made me cry while reading it Although it's painful, it's like a suppurating wound being cut open with a knife. But this book can be said to have cured me.

I am a minor, and although this book is written for adults, I still benefited a lot. I understood the source of much pain in my life.

When I read the first part, I was very excited. I felt that I understood everything and that I had gotten rid of my original family. I was tired of scolding afterward. Then when it came to treatment, I filled out a questionnaire and found out that I had been diagnosed again, which was so sad. This book is really useful and I will try to do the last task.

A very good book. Learn about yourself being hurt by a toxic family, and how you can truly understand your emotions, reconcile with the hurt, and then take action to slowly get to know yourself and truly be yourself. It's really a very good book. No matter how much you were hurt in childhood, you can decide your own future path and protect the people who truly love you and your loved ones.

When a person is chopped on the ground, it is meaningless to identify the murderer and distinguish right from wrong. The most important thing the chopped person should do at this time is to bandage the wound to ensure the safety of his life.

Dr. Susan is a well-known psychological counselor in the United States; when our married life begins to feel like a siege that cannot be extricated; when we are still disturbed by the shadow trauma we suffered in childhood; you can turn to this book. The author starts from the case of a plastic surgeon named Gordon. His relationship with his parents still has a profound impact on his life. He was often beaten when he was a child, which also affected his current intimate relationships and temperament. This is also the reason why the author wrote the book, so that more people can trace their childhood lives and perceive the deviations of current behavior patterns from the past and believe that a positive tomorrow is just around the corner.

Get rid of the shackles of your original family and gain spiritual freedom - change your cognition and behavior, embrace your inner child, and always tell yourself that you have grown up. Don't be afraid to learn to refuse. You must correctly view and handle the relationship with toxic parents, understand them, and understand yourself. Even if the relationship is severed, you must insist on being yourself! When you were a child, they used vicious words to curse you and threaten you to control you. When you grow up, when they use the old moral methods to kidnap you and deceive you, they will not respond to, explain, ignore or treat you coldly to any of their reactions. Then just speak your mind calmly. Don't expect them to make changes or get anything from them. You will never get what you didn't get when you were a child. Facing reality is the right way. I hope every child can have a happy, healthy and happy childhood.

Very good. I finished reading it and it feels like it pointed me to a clear path.

I originally thought it would be a relatively obscure book, but the content is really easy to understand. In the process of watching, I even had an emotional reaction when watching some parts, and I was a little moved. This book can really provide comfort to children who have been hurt by their families. Sometimes our disgust and hatred for ourselves are invisible and unconscious. I hope this book can help those who are controlled or influenced by toxic parents to realize earlier that perhaps our shortcomings are brought to us by our parents. After we become adults, we don't have to live in our parents' expectations, but in our own expectations. Come on everyone!

(Limited knowledge) After reading this book and seeing so many cases, I admit that I am ignorant. There are many strange things in the world. Many people live in unfortunate childhoods and are troubled throughout their lives. I admit that I am lucky. At least my life is much luckier than theirs. I should not complain about this and stop due to unfair setbacks. On the contrary, I should be proactive, work hard, face life optimistically, and extend a helping hand to people who are in pain. I want to say to the children who are in psychological difficulties and have been abused, you must be brave, dare to face the unfair facts, and face resistance. If facing resistance is useless, you must seek help from others. There are still many enthusiastic and righteous people in the world. We should face the problem head on, because once we retreat, we will lose the courage to fight and live in a world dominated by them. Their actions silently affect our subconscious and affect our lives. We will be affected by them throughout our lives. If we are deeply affected by it, we should find the right ways to improve and train ourselves. For example, we can use diaries to record our lives and reflect on them. We can secretly record these unfair facts without being ashamed. We can send them to the responsible institutions, or we can find the right psychologist and actively cooperate with treatment. This will alleviate our pain, improve our lives, and slowly eliminate their influence. In addition, I also want to say to those parents, treat your children well, fulfill your responsibilities as parents, protect their children's healthy growth, and give them a wonderful childhood. Children are born weak, and their young hearts need the nourishment of their parents. Abuse and unfair behavior will cause psychological trauma to them and affect their lives. They will spend their lives healing their childhood. You can think about it from another level, you are helpless in your old age, who would be willing to take care of you, an old, weak, sick and disabled guy? Think about your current behavior and harm your own children. Will they be willing to take care of you in your old age? So please be kind to your children, cultivate good relationships, care for their growth, and give them a wonderful childhood.

I wish everyone can get out of the haze of the original family as soon as possible and find their inner selves. The first step to repair is to face up to the fact that these factors cannot affect the value of your lovely, capable and valuable people and friends in society; if you find that you cannot change them, then you must change yourself, maintain minimal contact with them in the future, and strive to live a good life. First of all, you must know that your parents may not really love you that much. There is no need to constantly explore the process and results of lack of love. You must have a sense of boundaries, self-digestion, and love yourself; You are yourself first, followed by other identities such as wife, daughter, etc. Your feelings are also very important! ! ! [Blowing kiss]

It uses very sharp words to write about the past life, present and future of the native family. I have benefited a lot. Thank you for this good book!

After reading this book, it really made me think a lot, and it gave me a deeper understanding of family. I understood that as a child, you do not necessarily need to live according to the ideas, rules, and expectations of your parents, but you can live for yourself.

A large number of cases show that the vast majority of people in this world are negatively affected by their families of origin. However, I don't know if the treatment plans in the book are useful for children growing up in East Asian families. I hope everyone can get rid of the impact and move towards a happy life.

It's worth it over and over again and again and again and again and again and again. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. A book to read over and over again over and over again over and over again! The medicine cannot be stopped! The medicine cannot be reduced! We can't change!

I agree with some of the words. I will evaluate them again after reading them.

Over the years I have believed that my parents were fine and it was me who had the problem. It was really hard for me to admit that my parents didn't know how to love me. They know how to control me, how to criticize me, how to make me feel guilty and sad, but they don't know how to let me be myself and how to respect me. They will only give me their love if they think I am a good girl, otherwise they will take it back. I know none of this will change. They will always be like this, but I want to change. I should be doing something more valuable instead of fixating on changing them.

Recommended reading The influence of parents on their children is profound and long-lasting. If parents do not wake up, we will unconsciously feed these "poisons" to our children in our lives little by little until the poison is absorbed into the bone marrow of our children. As adults, we can also take the power of choice into our own hands, resolve the "love poison" brought by our parents, and choose to let ourselves control our lives!

Dr. Susan is a well-known psychological counselor in the United States; when our married life begins to feel like a siege that cannot be extricated; when we are still disturbed by the shadow trauma we suffered in childhood; you can turn to this book. The author starts from the case of a plastic surgeon named Gordon. His relationship with his parents still has a profound impact on his life. He was often beaten when he was a child, which also affected his current intimate relationships and temperament. This is also the reason why the author wrote the book, so that more people can trace their childhood lives and perceive the deviations of current behavior patterns from the past and believe that a positive tomorrow is just around the corner.