Tianwei***

I see your persistence and hard work. I also saw many wonderful scenes. However, these scenes are not shown in detail and concretely. There is a certain distance between the way they appear in your mind and the words you write. In addition, your writing is generally relatively smooth. However, the frequency of the word "immediately" is too high. In fact, in many contents, we are not so anxious to continue to the next step, but need to be detailed and appropriate. For example, in your latest chapter, a teammate was headshot. Who did it? What weapon was used, what impact his death had, what memories it evoked, etc. Your works are currently more like scattered outlines. There is something to express, but it is incomplete and lacks expansion. Most of the time, the information conveyed lacks a sense of substitution. Go read more other people's works and videos explaining online writing. It is recommended that after finishing this book, you should watch at least 10 videos explaining the three golden chapters in a down-to-earth manner, sum up your experience, and then start the next book. Because, first of all, your first three chapters are far away from the passing line. There are many problems. For example, within the first 500 words, a bunch of ability users are mentioned. In this way, it creates reading difficulties for readers. Make your protagonist completely invisible. Remember, the mode of showing a lot of people's faces at the beginning is suitable for anime rather than web novels. Because anime has pictures to make up for it. This is unmatched by online articles. For example, anime such as Naruto, One Piece, JOJO, Spy Play House, and Detective Conan are all suitable to be adapted into online novels because they all highlight the protagonists and tell good short stories. But Gintama is not suitable. Because in its first episode, a large number of people appeared in groups. Without visual matching, the numerous characters would only blur the focus. Internet articles must have a protagonist with a distinctive personality and stand out from the crowd in the early stage, so that readers can take part in it. If there is an opportunity in the future, more characters can be introduced. If the protagonist is mixed in with many characters and lacks recognition, then your work will no longer be able to attract readers from the beginning.

I am the author of this book. I hope you will give me more comments.