Communication Class That You Can Understand in 1 Hour

Language is the blessing or curse of our lives Language and thinking are intertwined, influencing each other and growing together. The initial violence is basically verbal violence: moral judgment → labelling, comparison → comparison, avoiding responsibility and forcing others to make things difficult for them In daily communication, we should develop: don't always judge others, know people well and don't judge others. "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" The first important habit for success is to take the initiative → it means to take one's own responsibilities instead of just pushing them to others. The four elements of nonviolent communication: observation (no commenting), feeling (differentiating ideas), need (specificity), and request (feedback) Feelings are the expression of your own emotions, and thoughts are your own evaluation of something → You should build more vocabulary related to your own feelings. If we stopped confusing facts and opinions, we would no longer be confused Most of the conflicts between husband and wife are related to money → The origin of "poor and lowly couples suffer everything" Contempt is the most taboo attitude in couples' conversations → activate the praise system, dear, you have the final say John Gottman Theory → The best way to test whether a couple's compliment system is working is to observe how they think about their past, by thinking about it, talking about it The husband and wife take turns speaking → Don't take the initiative to provide opinions → Listen attentively and carefully → Express your understanding appropriately → Consider the problem from the other person's perspective → Express a consistent external attitude Ask questions in a gentle way → When speaking, it is recommended to always use "I" instead of "you" to describe facts. Compromise → Always remember to remind yourself to look at the problem from the other party's perspective and look for the reasonable part of the other party's point of view Stop the deterioration → The core of a couple's communication style: Husband and wife should always put each other first Boys like to talk about purpose, while girls like to talk about relationships. Boys always like to say "I" when talking, while girls always like to ask "we" when talking. Ruan Qi's "The Science of Dating Devils" talks about the difference between male thinking and female thinking: male thinking is goal-first, result-oriented, focusing on the future; female thinking is process-oriented, feeling-oriented, focusing on the present and the past. Girls' thinking is more concerned with emotional expression, while boys are more concerned with factual presentation. "Four common mistakes in chatting": Continuous questioning, not talking about yourself, overemotion, random evaluation → Expressing "you are unique in my heart" (you are the most special person I have ever met), listening to each other's past stories, looking for topics of interest to the other party, saying more "we" and less "I", sharing private secrets, participating in some activities that are prone to emotional fluctuations (suspension bridge effect), copying the other party's language system, making people feel confident and respected (praising specific details) Empathy is the most important rule for communication between friends: Understand each other's point of view, do not ask questions about work, it is not easy to make the other party nervous, and it is difficult to charge fees (change the topic or remain silent for a while when asked) "To be able to speak is to be able to think in someone else's shoes" by Caroline Taggart 1. External contact: Use clothing, facial expressions, and body movements to think from someone else's perspective 2． Topic selection: Find topics in others and reserve some topic templates before talking. (3) Emotional exchange: observe people's emotions in different situations to decide what to say and what not to say In "The Language of Parents", Professor Susskind suggests that you should pay attention to the principles when talking to infants and young children: empathize with attention, fully communicate and take turns to talk → use child-oriented language, raise your voice, exaggerate your expressions, praise your child more for their efforts, and punish them promptly (do not hit or yell at him) Adults can do housework while talking about the work on hand. Use less pronouns. Children should be introduced to numbers, shapes, and spatial vocabulary as early as possible Lorna Reiner, a famous American parent-child education expert, "No Yelling, No Screaming": Ask yourself about negative thoughts, abdominal breathing, calm yourself, and determine your child's needs Change is important, as long as you believe that people sometimes don't even have the distinction between introversion and extroversion "The King of Introverted Personality" Jennifer Konweller "The Communication Bible for Introverts" Communication Master Shang Zhaomin "Communication Class for Introverts" The 4P rules for building strengths for introverts: prepare, present, push (force yourself) to practice Top communication expert, advertising genius, and copywriting master Keiichi Sasaki "The so-called high emotional intelligence means being able to speak" Communicate with colleagues: do what they like, warn others, freedom of choice, desire to be recognized, have to be you, teamwork, learn to say thank you The essence of the relationship with your boss is to communicate with him: Is there anything I can do for you (complementary support), reply in time, support publicly, criticize privately, communicate regularly (write an outline), send an email to reserve his time, and communicate with him during play The core of the heart-to-heart talk with subordinates: What is the current status of the company (department) and I; what is your current status: what it is, why, and what to do if necessary. Ask the other party to repeat it if necessary (the conversation should not exceed one hour). Don't be taboo about talking about salary and benefits with subordinates. Request for promotion and salary increase: improve your own value (jump out of the company and look at the industry value), talk to the boss, mention specific figures, practice in advance, and interview in the morning about the time Resignation: I am due to personal reasons The first step in establishing effective connections: Establish and enhance your own value → Enlarge your exchangeability coefficient, core information + arguments, express information other than speeches, pay attention to eye contact, and preview the future (must have alternatives) Effective social networking in the workplace: meet, talk, and consider each other's needs "How to Achieve Effective Social Networking" WIIFM form: Name the "name" of the communication partner → What "obstacles" the other party has encountered → What can stimulate his "motivation" Principled Negotiation → Be tough on reasoning and principles, but be gentle in your attitude towards the other party: avoid confusing people and things, playing a reluctant buyer or seller (negotiation consultant Roger Dawson, "Advantageous Negotiation"), not directly putting forward your own conditions, having an important person behind you (pretending to have vague authority), putting the issue aside for a while, "turning the table strategy", and congratulating the other party at the end. Tips to break the ice → Repeat the other party's words to increase your goodwill "Harvard Negotiation Class": When communicating, only talk about yourself, not the other party Reading can break the distance between time and space and interact with smart people. The same rule no matter who you talk to: learn to put yourself in someone else's shoes and accept different changes at the same time → carefully consider what the other person needs, try to be considerate of the other person, and make the other person feel comfortable and interesting A person's speech is all about self-narration until the end: start with appearance, choose open-ended topics, and prepare some universal question templates (recently) Learn to ask questions effectively: think clearly about what your problem is, ask questions from your own perspective, and ask questions Business strategy expert Andrew Sobel co-authored The Art of Asking: Why You Should Ask: Focus, Start with Me The first step in answering the question: Be sure to be fluent, which means confidence, honesty and frankness → control the situation, open your palms to invite the questioner, have a serious and patient expression, repeat it kindly, explain the provocative question, and end with a strong ending. Humor can bring each other closer, humor formula (humor = tragedy × time), laughter = foreshadowing + shaking off baggage, scale (self-deprecation is always safe), bar test (every public speaking opportunity), warm-up, it is not easy to survive a talk show Lao She said: A humorous mentality is a funny mentality that treats everyone equally. Ending of "The Master of Life": Please remember to focus on your goals, not on your opponents Practical tips: dress, expression, gaze This era is firmly in the hands of exporters: writing and speaking The purpose of learning a foreign language is to change your prejudices and see the world from a different perspective (French, Spanish, and Japanese are recommended) Telling a story well is the most effective way to communicate and disseminate in today's era Storytelling will also become the most important form of advertising: introduce yourself (personal experience), tell your purpose, tell a story with vision and wisdom ("Aesop's Fables"), tell a story with values, pause appropriately and grasp the details (tell yourself) "Story Thinking" author Annette Simmons is the founder of a well-known American consulting company There is a way to start, which is to ask a question "Khan Academy of Flipped Classroom" Formula: Set up suspense - raise questions - find answers (turn) Make the amount of information at the beginning as large as possible, match it with a fixed ending that has a beginning and an end, or pair it with a developmental ending. Facing conflicts: Don't stir up trouble, don't be afraid of getting into trouble, and be able to get things done Dana Caspersen, conflict mediation expert, master's degree in interpersonal conflict from Champlain University "Key Skills in Resolving Conflict": The best way to resolve conflicts is collaboration → open communication and finding differences Concept: If you want to understand what others say, you need to distinguish the differences between actions, interests and needs → find where the thread is, help the other person find their own needs, accept the other person's emotions, and interrupt the principle Not only do you need to ask about the other person's needs, but you also need to make sure that you receive the other person's point of view. Another way to resolve conflict is to increase curiosity about opposing viewpoints Apologize: The timing and attitude should be honest, show weakness, pay attention to the victim, promise to make changes, give gifts, compare first, and then explain. Sorry is not the end, it is just the beginning of apology Don't apologize too much → For example, say thank you for being late and wait. There is only one best way to apologize: to make fewer mistakes Differences of opinion, high stakes and high emotions are known as the three elements of a critical conversation The methods of "Critical Conversation" are: clarify the purpose of the conversation, create a safe dialogue atmosphere, start with the facts, and understand the other party's true motivations Generally speaking, I have recently been trying to gain skills based on computer graphic design and reduce reading. I really feel that I am not used to it and my mind is empty. The power of habit is really powerful → If you fall in love with reading, it is difficult to put it down (in this Internet era, I started to develop into an e-commerce art company)

Reading Li Shanglong's book is like an encyclopedia of life. Many cognitions and practices that I didn't understand in life and work, and even thought I thought they were reasonable, have a new understanding. Reading it once is not enough. You need to read it several times to remember the methods and apply it to your life and work. Slowly re-establish new habits. Thank you Li Shanglong.

I will watch it again when I am thirty years old. I believe I will have different feelings.

Very good, this book can help you gain a lot.

I am reading this book and it has made great progress in our thinking.

This book is really practical! It provides a lot of communication methods and techniques, and also combines practical cases to make it easy to understand. I especially liked the parts about interpersonal communication and workplace communication in the book, and I felt like I learned a lot. Moreover, I think the author's analysis of the character's personality and experience was very good, and it made me think about my own communication style. All in all, I think this is a book worth reading and I recommend it to you!

When you open your eyes and close your eyes, those things that are vivid in your mind will only be a warning if they happen to you. It is not easy for everyone in such a big environment.

There are real examples, the content is substantial, and the logic is clear, giving people the feeling of real experience after reading it.

Finished with flowers, finished with flowers~

Like, praise, praise, praise

Easier to understand

Easy to understand and very practical

If you don't give me full marks, I'm afraid you'll be proud.

Li Shanglong teaches you how to communicate.

I like this book written by Teacher Shang Long very much. The teacher gives examples of many problems that I encounter every day, which is of great benefit.

I am 20 this year. I am very glad to have read this book. Some things gradually became clear in my mind. I always want to change something. It is a very useful book. Thank you to the author. To be continued.

It feels reasonable to me