Silent Confession

"Parents' love is the unbearable weight of life" When they were young, Marilyn and James got married just because of their desires. After marriage, they failed to obtain their desires. They forced their misfortunes on Lydia and turned their desires into shackles to trap Lydia. Lydia left because of her mother's absence and collapsed because of her father's absence. She chose to please her parents and keep each other, turning herself into the last load-bearing wall of this endangered family. "We are wary of attention." It seems that all the love of the parents is given to Lydia, but in fact it is just a cage in the name of love. In the cage, there is also Nath, who is jealous of his sister because of his parents' favoritism, and the younger daughter Hannah, who has been ignored by the whole family. None of the three children is happy! In the work, there are not only the problems of the original family, but also the racial discrimination, sexism, school bullying, and communication problems behind them. Maybe without these problems, Lydia would not have died in the end. But it was precisely because of Lydia's death that her parents finally realized her unhappiness and the importance of communication. They finally stopped ignoring the other two children, and Hannah did not become the next Lydia. After reading to the end, my heart became heavier and heavier, and tears flowed down unconsciously. As parents, we should express our thoughts in as clear a language as possible to our families, and our misfortune should not be imposed on our children. The child is not anyone's vassal, he is just himself. I always feel that as a parent, we should educate ourselves first and learn to understand and respect our children. After all, people cannot live with other people's expectations. That is too heavy. It is the same for us and the same for children. They can only be themselves, not others! "We spend our entire lives getting rid of other people's expectations and finding our true selves."

I was shocked when I first opened this book because the heroine was so out of control as soon as I introduced it. With the title and introduction, I really couldn't tell much. Then the author peels away the fog layer by layer through flashbacks, interludes and narration from different characters' perspectives. I clearly saw the cause of death, but the heroine's struggle before her death made me even more sad. She clearly had the idea of ​​​​living but still drowned at the bottom of the lake. This book also gave me a deeper understanding of racial discrimination. It turns out that it was difficult to marry people of different skin colors in the past, and whether people of different skin colors can survive the subsequent discrimination of others after successfully getting married is also a problem. The parents of the heroine in this book, one is trapped by the inequality between men and women, and the other is trapped by racial discrimination. They have a passionate marriage without the blessing of the parents. The heroine's parents extend their pain to the next generation. They have excessive expectations, excessive preference, and excessive demands. Fortunately, the death of the heroine awakens this family in the fog (although her original intention is to escape from the world). During the heroine's lifetime, the most neglected one was her little daughter. After the heroine's death, she will be valued and respected, her son's needs will also be taken seriously, and the whole family will be harmonious. The heroine will be very happy if she knows it, which is what she looks forward to most (of course I don't agree with being forgiven for betraying, I understand the reason for their harmony, but I really feel that this cannot be forgiven). I feel that everyone who is about to get married must think carefully about whether they have a sense of responsibility for the marriage, whether they are willing to give unconditionally to their partner and children, and whether they are willing to spend time with their family. Give real care to your children instead of forcing your own hobbies on them and leaving unfinished regrets on them. Stand up for your child instead of calling the bully a joke. When a child comes into the world, he or she will come into contact with his or her parents for a long time, and he or she may become another you. Another sad point about this book is that although the heroine comes from a Kochi family, her whole family has family problems. This makes me feel that reading more books will not necessarily lead to a cure. The important thing is to be willing to accept, to change, to find yourself, and to let yourself go.

"We spend our entire lives getting rid of other people's expectations and finding our true selves."

Lydia's unspoken love for her mother and Jack's forbearing love for Nath became silent confessions when Lydia jumped into the lake. After this, James returns to his family, Marilyn accepts reality, Nas lets go of his guilt, and Hannah grows up. Everyone becomes different because of Lydia's passing, and they commemorate Lydia in a silent confession.

Even the first 11 chapters made me feel very depressed. No one seemed to have done anything wrong. The things they do are in line with their experiences, but because of their experiences, they are passed down from generation to generation, making every child miserable (I want to say that if you don't know how to educate, don't have children [cry] [cry]), but when I read the last chapter, (So, are Jack and Nass together? But there is a line in it that stroking the bump on Jack's nose will remind him of Lydia. I think this should be a hint that they are together. In the future, Hannah will not follow the old path of his sister) Throughout our lives, we want to get rid of the shackles of others and live as our true selves. I hope that after reading this book, everyone can live a good life, love themselves well, don't care too much about what others think, and tear off the shackles around their necks like Lydia, even though he is wearing a gorgeous necklace around his neck.

As a mother of an adolescent child, I increasingly feel that as a parent, we need to continue to grow, learn to cultivate ourselves, and live well. We should not put our own ideas or unfulfilled wishes and regrets on our children and become a shackles and cage for our children. Children love us unconditionally, and the expectations we place on our children may not necessarily be what they like. If you want, he may do things according to our requirements, but making him suffer will crush him. We must love him unconditionally and accept him, regardless of his grades or other things. The child just comes to this world through us, he does not belong to us. What we can give to the child is our love, not my thoughts!

You said to her: "Your life depends entirely on you." But you still imposed your unfinished ambitions on her. You said: "You can do whatever you want." But you still restricted her freedom. You hope she can be the person you dream of, but you never ask her if she wants that.

Whether it's James who longs to be gregarious, Marilyn who hopes to live a different life, Hannah who has been neglected by her family since she was a child and has to learn to read people's emotions, Nath whose dream is not understood by his family, or Lydia who is overwhelmed by "love". Not only because of the outside world, but also because of oneself, everyone is unable to control their lives, and everyone does not live the way they want. But Lydia's death made them, like lambs who accidentally went astray, finally find their way back. For them, it's not too late to change, at least Hannah won't live as Lydia. The story is very good, and the writing is also very delicate. It uses simple language to outline such a vivid story, and it also tells us a truth: we spend our whole life just to get rid of other people's expectations and find our true self!

A book for adolescents, a book for new parents, and a book for all adults. In this book, you can see the impact of the original family, the harm of racial discrimination to the victims, and the various meanings of marriage, etc. Multiple perspectives, multiple narrations and flashbacks, mutual understanding and tolerance. Maybe this book will be too open for our taste, but no one can deny that this is a good book. You need to read the specific content yourself and read it carefully. The writing is delicate and contains many details. May this book be more than just a way to pass the time.

We spend our whole lives living to be our true selves, and we cannot live within anyone's expectations. This open ending gives us the perfect possibility. What brings Lydia into the water is everything. Maybe the girl can solve these problems in another way, but no one will accuse her of being fragile. Her life, her choices, her way to escape... Maybe, maybe, James and Marilyn will always protect each other, Nath will recognize Jack's love, Hannah will grow up in the love she hopes for, everything will change, everyone will realize their mistakes, and that will not help. But will it not help?

Lidya is a sensible child, so sensible that it makes people feel distressed. In order to maintain the integrity of her family, she chose to cater to her parents' ideas and ignore her own feelings, even though she was not happy. Her mother, Marilyn, was an independent person with her own ideas. She married James regardless and left home to pursue her dreams. Then, after failing to pursue the dream, he forced it on his daughter. The most important thing for children is to be healthy and happy, right? As for why Lydia is so introverted, is it because of her genetic father? Or, as mentioned in the article, mixed-race children can't find their place?

Using Lydia's death as an incision, it opens up the hidden pain of a family kidnapped by "love". James's racial inferiority and desire to integrate, as well as Marilyn's paranoia about her unfulfilled dreams, eventually turned into invisible shackles on her daughter. Because her mother left home and was afraid of losing love again, she used disguises to carry her parents' expectations and exhausted herself until death became the only relief. The laying out of the details of life makes the emotional explosion in the second half extremely penetrating. None of them, from their own perspective, did anything they thought would cause harm to others. The only person who came out on his own died accidentally. Lydia's death tore apart the facade of the family: the parents faced the truth of their controlling nature in regret, Nath broke away from the shadow of neglect, and even the silent Hannah became a glimmer of reconstruction. What is suffocating is not despair, but imposed hope. Every life has its own practice. Rather than becoming a source of pride, unconditional companionship and love are the most authentic forms of family affection. Those unspoken understandings and considerations will eventually become a topic for the living people for the rest of their lives after death.

(These are some chaotic and pretentious thoughts that have no reference value and are just for venting one's own emotions) In fact, it was very painful for me to watch, as if a very bitter medicine had choked my throat and made my throat hurt. Especially when I was lying on the dormitory bed trying not to disturb others by crying, something heavy was pressing down on my throat, making me speechless. My parents and my family have a relationship where we would never make a phone call even if we were thousands of miles apart or several months apart. I can't tell if it's because of my deliberateness, but this kind of relationship in which each other is involved in their own affairs makes me feel at ease. Everything is operating stably and it seems that it will last until the end of the world. Lydia's family made me seem to be able to see the shadow of my own family. I couldn't help but search through my memory for every quarrel we had and was surprised that I could remember so many details. Then I chewed them all up and swallowed them all again in a masochistic manner. I remembered that I didn't know how long ago when I was curled up alone in a space, and my brain suddenly acted out the scene of any member of the family suddenly self-destructing and leaving. The pain was so painful that I couldn't breathe. At that time, due to excessive anxiety and insomnia, I kept hypnotizing myself to escape the pain. I unexpectedly got a night of restful and cruel sleep that left no trace in my mind. Now when I look back, I only feel a headache as if I have a high fever. Then I feel a sensitive and overwhelmed fear as I keep asking myself why I think they will suddenly leave. When I recall, I always feel that I was too clumsy, stupid, and therefore too cruel when dealing with minute emotions. I was willful and self-righteous and smashed all the messy things, and I struggled, suffered, feared, and hid indifferently. My sensitivity to these undercurrents of emotions helped me viciously step on the wounds of the people closest to me, but at the same time, I was stuck in an indescribable depression and felt helpless. I think we actually always lock ourselves in the room after saying the harsh words with red eyes, and tacitly forgive each other the next day, until the next quarrel occurs. After we distanced ourselves from each other, the few exchanges of greetings and even the moment when I suddenly thought of asking about my current situation or replying to a message made me feel that I was being held in a distant place. It was really cold and pitiful. This is how I often describe this feeling. (After so many emotions, I finally remembered to write a relatively serious book review.) In my opinion, this is a regrettable story, but while peeling off some of her delicate thoughts about family and people, the author actually gave the story a relatively healing ending. It also taught us how to get back on our feet after knowing that something is irreversibly crashing into a painful reality like a vehicle with failed brakes. It is a very bitter but very effective medicine. Although I had a premonition that this book review I wrote without thinking after reading the book once would probably become a dark history of Internet cyberspace in the future, but after typing these words, I still feel really relaxed all over my body.

Lydia's death brought everyone's awakening and deep love. After she fell asleep forever, they searched for all traces of her, couldn't help but fall in love with her, and then let go. And this silent and powerful confession is also the success of the fight against racial discrimination that the author hopes to express. Everything that is out of place for Lydia is no longer different. She has been forgiven at the cost of death...

One wants to be different, and the other desires to blend in with the crowd. It is true that there is nothing wrong with being different and blending in with the crowd, but the two cannot exist at the same time. It will only be harmful rather than beneficial to force your unfinished dreams and personal ideas on your children in the name of thinking you are good. Maybe they themselves are not aware that they will harm their children, but everyone is an independent individual with their own opinions and ideas. Whether it is Lydia, Hannah or Nass, they are all sensitive and fragile, they all long for love and understanding, and they all have their own unknown troubles and anguish. A person should know what he wants, not what my parents want me to do or what I want? Instead of rushing around all day long living in other people's world, why not stop and think about whether what you are doing now is in the direction of what you love? Understanding and tolerance are sometimes indispensable. Which step the relationship takes depends on two people rather than one person. I don't support Momus' behavior, but I can understand it. I think there is nothing perfect in the world, so there are mistakes. Whether you want to forgive or let go is another matter. After all, once something happens, it is like a thorn, even if it is pulled out, it cannot make up for the pain when it was pierced. There are many surprises in the development of the story, such as the love hidden in Jack's heart❤️

Very delicate. This is a very beautiful novel worth reading again. What supports the story is not only the story itself, but more the imprint of the times and the painful imprint and dissatisfaction left on the body by the unchangeable past. Fortunately, James knew he was completely wrong. Marilyn understood that mathematics, physics and chemistry were not what Lydia wanted at all. Nath punched Jack and held his hand as they came ashore. They may or may not have a deeper conversation, but at least Nath won't hate Jack so much anymore. Hannah, who has been ignored, finally gets the attention of her family... Although all these changes took place with Lydia's death as an opportunity, they are facts that cannot be changed and regrets that will last a lifetime. But, at least change happened.

As the cover of this book says: Throughout our lives, we want to get rid of the expectations of others and find our true selves. This sentence will benefit you throughout your life. The better your parents treat you, the more energy and attention they devote to you, and this is invisible like misty snow, but in fact it can compress your spine. Perhaps parents do not love their children that much, and they are more about making up for their own shortcomings in their children.

After reading it, I thought about a few questions. The first is whether it is worth it for a man to give up his dreams for the sake of his family, the second is whether it is reasonable for parents to pile up their unfulfilled dreams on us, and the third is what will be the consequences of parents' deviant love for their children. Quite thought-provoking

If Lydia had not died in the freezing lake that night, would her parents have changed their minds and would the family still be in danger? The truth about Lydia's death was revealed. Finally, everyone began to understand Lydia's inner world and how much pain was hidden under this poor girl's black hair. So, that summer, it seemed that peace was restored in the family, that Nath would go to Harvard, Hannah would grow up, and James and Marilyn would get back together. But that poor girl is no longer here. Everything in front of her is what she wants most, but she is sleeping underground forever. I sigh for her. James was born into a Chinese-American family in the United States. Long-term racial discrimination made him long to be a "normal person" and "everyone". Therefore, he hoped that his favorite daughter Lydia would become what a typical American should be. Marilyn has been influenced by her mother for a long time, hoping to escape the life her mother planned for her. She wanted to be "independent", so she married James, so she said to Lydia, I hope you can take control of your own life, but she did not realize when she became the same person as her mother. All these factors contributed to the death of Lydia. When Lydia finally became brave, no longer afraid of losing, and decided to boldly pursue her own life, her life came to an abrupt end. How ridiculous.

Arranging your own unfulfilled wishes into your child's life, your heavy love eventually leads to tragedy. Lydia has always longed for freedom. Before I saw the ending, I thought it was the expectations of her family that led her to commit suicide. After knowing the ending, I felt even more sad. She was obviously full of expectations for a new life. The characters are well drawn! There are many narrations in the text

Throughout our lives, we want to get rid of the expectations of others and find our true selves.

Lydia died at the age of eighteen. Through flashbacks, I understand Lydia's life, and from her perspective, I understand her choices. I always felt that when Lydia finally stepped into the water, she wanted to save herself, but that was all she could do. Her parents loved her, but they never wanted to truly understand her. They only imposed their unfulfilled wishes on her. I want to go into the book and hug this sensible little girl. She is still so young! ! She was smart and beautiful. She could have had her own life, but she was crushed to death by her parents' suffocating love. I think it may be more important for a person to understand what he really wants and what he really likes, instead of just living in the expectations of others. It is more difficult to see yourself clearly than to see others clearly. Even in the darkness, don't give up your determination to find the light. I hope that we can all develop the ability from the inside out to avoid drowning in water.

This is a painful and depressing book, from the neglected Nas and Hannah to Lydia who has been forcing herself to satisfy her parents, from the mixed-race marriage that was not blessed by her mother to the frequent cheating marriages, from Marilyn who suffers from the inequality between men and women to James, the second-generation Chinese immigrant who has low self-esteem, cowardice and racial discrimination... It seems that everyone is not wrong, but they all indirectly caused Lydia's death, which is very sad. (Also, I don't understand why James wants to escape real life by cheating on Chinese Americans. I would rather Marilyn leave him forever) Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you. Don't force your children anymore. The path you take will never be the one your children want to take and will take.

Although the whole story has been understood in the first few chapters, I am still attracted by the psychology of different characters to read on. When I first started watching it, I was thinking about an educational issue. After reading it, I thought about a lot more things - racial discrimination, people's growth environment, marriage and family, family education, life education, etc. The biggest feeling is: There are many ways to make things go on the right track, but it must not be at the cost of losing your life.

After reading it, I felt a tightness in my chest. Lydia is so good. There is no conflict between loving her parents and being her true self. It would be better to be a little more rebellious. I really feel for her. I also feel sorry for Nath, who has seen everything but has no way to change and can only run away; Hannah, who is cautious and obedient and just wants more attention; and Jack, who endures for the feelings that he can never express. They are all such good people.

We must get rid of other people's expectations and be brave enough to be ourselves. When you are young, don't be impulsive, don't sacrifice your dreams for anyone, and don't expect anyone to realize your dreams for you. Don't become someone else's accessory in your life, running in the wilderness.

Silent confession, every silence is Lydia's love for her parents. Unfortunately, when Lydia decided to live for herself, her life passed away quietly. Fortunately, her family's original delicate balance was broken and a new life was ushered in.

In fact, I read this book the year before last, but after reading dozens of pages I couldn't read anymore. It felt very depressing. I talked about this book with my friends a few days ago, so I tried to read it again. At the beginning, I always felt depressing, as if there was a stone on my chest and I couldn't breathe. But after reading it, I started to like this book. Marilyn and James had different experiences and completely opposite personalities. They both devoted their youthful regrets to their daughter Lydia, because Lydia looked the most like a Westerner in the eyes of others. Their excessive preference and neglect of Nath and Hannah caused psychological trauma to the three children. In the end, tragedy occurred. Although everyone woke up in the end, it was at the cost of Lydia's death. Therefore, being an understanding, supportive, and non-disappointing parent is a great happiness for children. I hope more people, especially parents, should read this book.

Love that pays too much attention can be suffocating. Whether children who bear the wishes of their parents can go further and become themselves may only be answered when they grow old. May we all learn to truly love our families. Love what you are, not what I want.

After reading this book, I feel more distressed. I feel sorry for those three children who have to bear the pain at a young age that they should not have to endure at that age. It is so sensible that it makes people choke and sad. In order to prevent her mother from leaving again, she chose to do things that she did not like and was not good at to gain the happiness and satisfaction of her parents. She silently shouldered everything... It feels sad to feel sorry for their parents at the same time. James hated himself because as a foreigner, he often worried that others would look down on him in a strange way. He wanted to blend in but could never integrate into the group, so he had to pin all his goals on his children that he wanted to achieve but could not. I hope they can be like the locals. His wife hopes that her daughter can become an excellent doctor. Essentially, he and her wife go there with the intention of realizing their own wishes. They never consider whether their children like it or not, whether they are really willing to do these things, and whether it goes against their own life ambitions. Little do they know that this is a kind of pressure for them, it is too heavy and they can't breathe, and these children seem to be just some tools to realize their dreams. I'm glad that my parents didn't treat me like this. I can have my own ideas and do what I want to do. I don't have to be shackled at the throat and unable to say anything... In fact, some love really needs to be appropriate, be it family affection or friendship. Only by mastering the heat can you make delicious food. At the same time, it is also very important to have a good mentality. If they manage their family life well without looking at the outside world, they may have a different ending...