I Am Number One in the World, but I Just Won't Take Action

I am the number one in the world, but I just won't take action because my wife is the number two in the world. Isn't it delicious to eat soft food? I will never take action unless it is absolutely necessary. If I want to take action, I have to complete these one hundred push-ups before I do it. Forty-seven, forget it, I'm too tired, let my wife take action, I don't hit women. Hey, woman, take the bait! This novel and its characters are purely fictitious. Any similarity is purely coincidental and should not be imitated.