Emergency Aid Across the Myriad Realms

What do you do when you come across someone about to jump off a building? What do you do when you're surrounded by zombies in a bathroom and all you have is a newspaper? What do you do when you're at a dragon-slaying scene but can't win? What do you do when an evil god invades? Asking online. It's urgent.

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental. Please do not imitate.