Ranking Genshin Impact's Dark History: Furina Panics

Celestia is in turmoil, and everyone in Teyvat is forced into a group voice chat!

A gigantic light screen spanning all seven nations appears, revealing from the start “Barbatos, the God Who Never Does His Job”! Venti: “Ehe? Does that even count as being a god?” Zhongli, caught drinking on the job: “By common sense, the bill should indeed be sent to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.” Furina: “Spaghetti really is delicious... Wait! I’m the dignified Hydro Archon!”

As iconic moments are revealed one by one, from the Ehe cult and Mondstadt’s version of Batman to a record of the antisocial Dendro Archon gossiping, the whole continent’s reaction to the screening sends everything completely off the rails.

Barbara’s idol image is shattered, Kujou Sara is caught with her secret-room figurines, and the Traveler’s reputation as “Teyvat’s number one player” is confirmed...

Klee: “Fishing with explosives? Klee was just helping the big fishies keep warm!”

Raiden Ei: “As for the incident where I can’t cook and Tenshukaku nearly exploded, I refuse to comment!” No embarrassing secrets across the continent can stay hidden. Chaos and anticipation go hand in hand as Teyvat’s great public humiliation era officially begins!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.