Why Is This Harry Potter Into All This Weird Dark Magic?

Voldemort:

I refuse to accept this! Why am I the only Dark Lord?

I've never used a wizard's body to grow rice.

I've never dug up graves and used corpses to grow hair.

I've never cut off someone else's head to make a lantern.

I use a wand, not a sword made from a spine.

I've never swapped out my skin, heart, face, or soul.

Compared with Harry Potter, aside from playing around with Horcruxes and reciting the Unforgivable Curses, what else do I have? What am I even good for?

I don't even have a tattoo!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.