I Turned into a Black Tortoise, Got Picked Up by Dai Xiaomei, and Shocked the Nation

Chen Fan wakes up in Dai Xiaomei's home. Feeling his thick, hard shell, he thinks he's become a rare, short-lived two-headed turtle.

Who knew that one livestream shopping event would turn him into an internet-famous pet and attract the attention of the Security Bureau?

After repeated comparisons and studies, the Security Bureau issues an authoritative certification: he is an ancient divine beast, the Black Tortoise, one of the Four Divine Spirits, and the northern water god, god of fertility, and god of fate!

What are you talking about? You're feeding me a whole cow. Do you think this turtle is a tiger? I won't eat it raw. Slice it up for me, with plenty of cumin and chili powder, and roast it until golden, tender, and juicy.

Hmph, when I'm unhappy, I'll go on a hunger strike and stay awake around the clock. Unless Dai Mei, Zhou Jie, Mozi, and Rita all come and cheer me up!

You say there's a Category 15 typhoon and a thirty-meter tsunami hitting a certain country? Oh, that was just me farting last night and sneezing afterward. A magnitude 10 earthquake in another country? Sorry, I stomped a little too hard.

The Beautiful Country: Damn it, the Dragon Kingdom has weather weapons! The Sakura Country: Mount Fuji only erupted a month ago. How is it erupting again!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any similarities are purely coincidental. Do not imitate.