Three Kingdoms: Fortune-Telling for Old Cao, You're Doomed, Boss

"Step right up and take a look! I am Sun Wukong, the Grand Disciple of the Great Lord Laozi from the Eastern Land of Great Tang in the Immortal Realm. Unable to bear your suffering, I have descended to the mortal world to save all living beings. Take a look at this:

These are Heavenly Court-approved Strength Pills, refined by this great immortal from the essence of yin and yang between heaven and earth, over eighty-one years of painstaking work.

One pill strengthens the body, two keep you forever young. Eat all three, and I can't promise much, but I can guarantee you'll return to your youth and stay young forever.

Now, to look after both new and returning customers, I'm clearing out my stock at a heartbreaking discount! Not 998, not 666, just 98, with free shipping right to your door. Friends and neighbors, this is a limited offer, first come, first served..."

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.