Steal the Scriptures, Kill the Buddha, Rule the Western Heaven

“I, Tang Sanzang, have come to the Western Heaven for only three things: seize the true scriptures, kill the Buddha, and take over Mount Meru.”

First, tie up Guanyin while we fetch the scriptures. I will be true to neither the Tathagata nor you.

That day, Tang Sanzang, Sun Xingzhe, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Wujin, the four ruthless bandits of the Great Tang, set out on their journey.

Tang Sanzang: I am the Supreme Buddha of the Three Burials, the Lofty Heaven, and peerless merit.

Sun Xingzhe: Don't ask if it's legal. The answer is always yes!

Zhu Bajie: Master says that if you like a girl, you should pursue her. If she won't come, tie her up. Get things started first, then talk.

Sha Wujin: Ever since the day my master pointed his golden Desert Eagle at my forehead and asked if I was joining him, I knew I was going all the way down this dark road.

Guanyin, undercover: Husband, hurry to the Thunderclap Temple! The Tathagata is going to pass the throne to me!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.