This Vampire Is Slacking Off

What would it feel like to wake up as a vampire?

First, I have to thank my curtains for keeping the sunlight out.

Second, human blood really isn't as nourishing as dog blood. Pretty girls are an exception, of course.

I blossom in the night, and slack off like a salted fish.

Who says becoming a vampire means you have to be a hero of the night? What am I, Batman?

Draw the curtains, lock the door, grab a phone, and laze around like a salted fish.

I have decided to stop being human, JoJo!!!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.