The Ultimate Funeral: Giving You a Mysterious Past

If you are willing to pay me 999.9 billion, at your funeral,

I'll make a Nine-Dragon Coffin your coffin and use an Immortal Tree as your outer coffin!

I'll have Ye Fan, the Ruthless Emperor, Emperor Wu Shi, and Chu Feng carry your coffin, and bury you in the eternal depths of space!

I'll burn incense for you with the Cauldron of the Mother Qi of All Things, and pour you wine from the Heaven Swallowing Demon Jar!

I'll make a wreath from an Immortal Medicine and place it before your grave!

I'll gather the thoughts of all living beings and chant a hymn for your passing!

I'll have the Weird Clan** perform a Gray Sacrifice for you, refining the myriad heavens so they can be buried with you!

I'll have the Desolate Heavenly Emperor cleave through eternity with one sword, flatten the river of time, destroy every path of reincarnation, and settle the great karma, so no one can disturb your rest again.

Then I'll have a man named Li Qiye guard your tomb, tending sheep every day and looking after the cemetery.

I'm Li Shu, owner of Huijia Funeral Home. I got bound to a System.

As long as you pay me, I can make everyone attending your funeral suspect that you had a mysterious and awe-inspiring past!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.