Interpretation Song: Destiny and Destiny, Where Will the Floating Life Go?

When I was twenty years old, there was dancing, wine, and heart in that wedding.

2010. First year of high school. My high school was a very poor school. I came across the novel for the first time from my deskmate, and I read it like crazy. When I go to a shabby bookstore, I don't care about the boss's eyes, I don't care about having to lift my legs every time, I just squat there and forget about food and sleep. 2011. Sophomore year of high school. Got my first mobile phone. There is a huge story in my mind, and I want to write it out. While others were listening to the lecture, I was wandering and thinking. While others were taking a lunch break, I was writing novels by hand. While others were sleeping, I hid under the quilt and saved the manuscript on my phone by the light of my phone. This is a secret, a secret that cannot be discovered. At that time, mobile phones could only store 500 words in a notebook, and the notebook could store up to 50 articles. I could only write manuscripts like crazy, and I was afraid that it would be too difficult to make corrections, so I used a pencil. I had a hard time typing on my Jiugongge mobile phone. I remember one time I didn't press save to exit, and I almost fainted from crying. 2012. I registered QQ and got my first QQ account. I was surprised to find QQ space and QQ private diary. My novel was moved to my diary again, and it is still lying there, reluctant to delete it. 2013. When I went to college, I got my first laptop. I put the novel into my notebook again. He successively finished writing "Young Shaoxiao", "Seven City Locks" and "Li Xiaojiu" Li Xiaojiu is a novel I have been writing and revising since high school. 2014. On an unremarkable morning, I didn't attend the lecture. I thought about another story based on "Li Xiaojiu" and put "Mingyue Yin" on hold. The beginning of relieving your worries is typing the first word in Word on your mobile phone. 2015. After getting acquainted with various online articles and websites, it turned out that novels can be published by oneself without any troublesome and complicated procedures. I don't want a novel that only I can read, I want more people to read it. The novel has been uploaded to various websites, including JJ, Hongxiu, Xiaoxiang, and Yuewen. 2016. The first completed volume of Jie Yuyou. Started writing the second part of Jie Yuyou. 2017. Graduated from college. I'm halfway through the second part of Jie Yuyou. I had an accident and it was a depressing time. 2018. Occasionally, I opened the novel section of QQ browser and was able to search for my book. I was surprised to find that there were many comments left there, which I didn't know and had never seen before. Every book has it, especially the second part of Jie Youyou, which I haven't finished yet. Some people say be merciful and don't write the male protagonist to death. Some people say that they can't read it anymore, and some people say that I have to wait for Da Da. My heart was boiling and raging at that moment. I had a dream in my heart and I lost my dream. Complete the second part in one go. The third part of "Understanding Youyou". 2019. I had another accident and it was a period of mental breakdown. I can't even look at my phone for long periods of time. I write intermittently, and I am even afraid of whether I will be able to finish it in my lifetime. The website was severely punished and completely banned, and it was not lifted no matter what. I lost motivation again. 2020. The book is still not released. The spirit is a little good, but not good. Posting intermittently. The epidemic broke out and the road to job hunting was bumpy. 2021. There was no hope of lifting the ban, so I published it under a new title, but it couldn't be reviewed. The third part of Jie Yuyou is still being written. Seeing that there was no hope that the books would be released from the ban, I wondered what the meaning of my writing was. I became addicted to pesticides and began to put them away. 2022. Shenzhen was trapped in the epidemic and bought a new computer. So, I suddenly thought of another way, reorganized all the articles, deleted all the contents of each chapter of the original article, leaving only one word. When the first and second chapters reached 5,000, I continued to apply for lifting the ban. Jie Youyou changed its name to Jie Yuge, and finally the ban was lifted. However, the other two books cannot be unlocked. The reason is similarity. The pen name has been changed many times, and other websites may be different. Fengdu Lingshao is me, Polygonum Terrestris Lingshaoge is me, Liuyingli is me too, the world is big and the earth is big, there is only one me. The epidemic is under control and I am alive again. Keep writing and writing hard. --- Extra thanks. Readers who have always supported me and will never give up. I stopped writing, but I feel guilty when I see you are still voting. I'm sorry for you.

Two hundred and three days, from last summer to now, from the break to now. This is the novel that I have been waiting for the longest, and it is also my favorite novel. It is constantly being updated. I wish to have the person of my heart, and we will never be separated until we grow old. So what about the beautiful country?

Solving is also worrying, forgetting is also worrying. Life is also a worry, death is also a worry. Flowers are also dreams, people are also dreams, Thoughts are also dreams, thoughts are also dreams. Love is worried, hate is leisurely. Love is overwhelming, resentment is overwhelming. Fate can't stop it, and disaster can't be avoided. When you go, you must go, don't do too much to stay. I went back to Changsha on National Day and looked for a job for two days. I couldn't see the fireworks in Shenzhen, nor could I look forward to the fireworks in Orange Island. Many things were swirling around. Life is not a trip that can be taken at once. It is a journey of crawling, rolling, groping, and always looking back with regrets.

Today I have to go back to school to make up for classes again. I only have 4 hours a week to use my mobile phone, and I keep waiting for updates... Although I couldn't see it at the first time, I looked at each picture very slowly. I hope Jieyou and Ayi can be together well before the college entrance examination. Jieyou is too difficult.

I feel better today and can look at my phone and computer for a long time, so I have time to write something. It all started on June 30th, because I stayed up late that day, the whole night. I thought I was strong and could withstand it. The next day, Monday, I went to work without any rest. As you can imagine, it was too miserable, too miserable. I was drowsy in the office, and I didn't eat much for breakfast. After climbing five flights of stairs, my head started to buzz, and I started to feel abnormal. My hands and feet were weak and numb, I had a headache, chest tightness, shortness of breath, and palpitations. I knew it must be because I stayed up late and didn't sleep, so I just needed some sleep. I was relatively calm when the incident happened, and I took a day off under the escort of my colleagues. The next few days were normal, and then the weekend came again, July 7th, Sunday. After the last lesson, I secretly thought, in my youth, how can I dare to stay up late again if I want to live for a few more years? So I went to bed early, but whether I could sleep or not was another matter. I tossed and turned and didn't fall asleep until eleven o'clock. Monday, July 8th, I woke up energetically, ate more, and walked to work. Today should be a good day. However, God did not favor me so much. When I slowly climbed the stairs to the fourth floor like a tortoise and was out of breath, my heart suddenly started. It felt like my whole heart was falling. It was beating suddenly, my hands and feet were shaking, and I felt dizzy. But it would be too embarrassing if I really fainted on the stairs. I pretended to be calm, used my strength to climb up to the fifth floor, drank water, ate something, and lay limply on the office table. I felt so flustered, as if someone had grabbed fate by the throat. It was difficult to breathe, and I could only gasp for air. At this time, my head was full of chaos and I was particularly sensitive to sounds. The loud noise of the big computer in the office was so annoying. I wanted the whole world to be quiet, quiet, and quieter. Ah, I want to be quiet, I am dizzy, I want to sleep, I want to sleep. Different from last time, this time, I felt a sense of panic. I obviously didn't stay up late, and I obviously ate something. Why is this still happening? Am I really going to die like this? I'm scared inside, no, I'm young, I don't want to die, I don't want tomorrow's headlines to say that an employee died suddenly in the morning. As a last resort, I asked for leave and went to the social health center to see a doctor. I said I was dizzy and weak. The social health doctor wrote an order in less than two minutes and got me a box of Yuping Qingfeng. But my heart is: I'm dizzy, I'm about to die, I'm about to die, it's obviously so serious, how can I be prescribed this? I want a full body check, I want a test, I'm really serious, please save me... I went back to the rental house to rest and lay on the bed. I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I slept. I couldn't calm down. The feeling of panic didn't go away. I started to worry about my body. On the afternoon of July 8th, I went to the hospital to see the neurology department. The doctor looked at me and said that my hands were shaking. I nodded. I had some hand shaking. His blood pressure was normal, and my heart rate was 116 beats per minute. The doctor was sure that I had hyperthyroidism, and he prescribed me a box of propranolol first. I panicked and quickly checked what hyperthyroidism was, and then ordered a blood test for B-ultrasound and electrocardiogram. When I took a look at the results, I found there was no anemia or hypoglycemia. The B-ultrasound was also very good. The doctor was not sure again, so he muttered, "Why is it so normal?" I... What can I do? I am also very desperate. How desperately I hope that I am sick and can be cured, instead of not being able to see that there is no cure at all. But I feel like, I'm dizzy, I'm not normal. So, three days after July 9th, my abnormal life began. Basically, a day is like this. In the morning, I wake up very energetic and feel full of energy for the day. However, after brushing my teeth and washing my face, I start to feel tired and weak. I don't want to eat or walk. On the way to work, I walk for a while, rest for a few minutes, walk for a while, rest for a few minutes again, calm down downstairs in the office, and then I dare to start climbing the five stairs to work at a speed slower than a tortoise. (As a result, I clock in late every day.) Maybe it was because I was so scared after having a heart attack last time that I was a little afraid of this staircase. Every time I climbed to the third or fourth floor, I felt panic, chest tightness, and strong dizziness, but I knew that I would not really faint. (Obviously nothing happens when I climb the stairs in the hospital, I'm still bouncing around) When I was sitting in the office for a day, I couldn't look at the computer or mobile phone at all. I would feel dizzy after looking at it for a while, and I couldn't concentrate. During the 8 hours of work, I had to drink some water every few minutes, and I had to get up and move every half hour to reduce the feeling of dizziness. Across the computer, I was in a daze. I was just dizzy. I couldn't see or hear anything, couldn't think deeply. I was in a numb state. I felt very tired. I just wanted to sleep and lie down to sleep. When I returned to the rental house after get off work, I didn't dare to look at my phone the whole time. After looking at it for a few minutes, I felt like I was going to faint. I struggled to put down my phone and forced myself to lie on the bed, but I couldn't fall asleep normally. Until Friday, July 12th, when things get better. Saturday, July 13th, night. I never want to experience this night again. I walked in the park during the day, stopped and stopped, and felt quite good without feeling dizzy. I also went to the supermarket to buy some snacks and fruits. I didn't eat at night, only ate some snacks, fell asleep early, and then... I was a very light sleeper, but this time, I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. I felt dizzy, and my hands and feet were weak and numb. I don't know how fast my heart was beating. I only knew that I couldn't lie down anymore. If I lay down any longer, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get up. I took a propranolol with almost trembling hands. My heartbeat slowed down, but the fear was not eliminated. I can clearly feel how happily my little heart beats, but I can't sit still and have difficulty breathing. I'm very nervous and have many thoughts in my mind. I want to go to the hospital, but I'm worried about whether it's too weird to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. No, I have to call. Ambulance, I need an emergency, I'm going to die, I can't survive, I think I can still save my life if I go to the hospital, I don't want to die, life is so wonderful, I still have a family, I haven't finished my novel yet, give me some more time, I also want to write a suicide note... Then, I was so uncomfortable that I cried. I didn't think about anyone but my father and my mother. It was really uncomfortable to be alone outside. The feeling of being on the verge of death is too strong. I definitely don't want to feel it again in my lifetime. Fortunately, I am still alive. I suffered from 1 a. M. To 5 a. M., And my mood gradually calmed down. Along with the pounding heartbeat, mixed with tears, I listened to the guqin song "Fishermen's Song" to relieve my mood, and I slept until 8 o'clock. Not eating a meal makes me feel the collapse and despair of the world. Therefore, students, it is so important to eat on time. If you don't eat, you may really die. Is this the end? Never finished. In the next few days, I was afraid of climbing stairs, I was afraid of not eating, and I was also afraid of walking too long and too fast. I am always worried about my little life. I felt that I must be sick, so I searched a lot of words, such as depression, anxiety, panic, autonomic disorder, neurasthenia, hypoglycemia, class aversion, etc... There should be no depression. To me, depression means wanting to die but not being able to, and anxiety means not wanting to die but feeling like I will die. There is no such thing as work-weary syndrome. After all, I am still a little girl who loves to work. Code makes me happy and I love code. It shouldn't be hypoglycemia. I always eat before each attack, so it can't happen again and again every day. Anxiety is definitely there. To put it simply, I may be too nervous, too worried, and particularly afraid of death. I am afraid of choking to death even when I drink water. An hour before meals, I would feel dizzy and my legs would become weak, and I would worry that I might collapse at any time. Every time I went to work to climb the stairs, I refused. I was so nervous that the same situation happened last time. I even thought about whether I should see a psychiatrist, quit my job, see the world, and relax... But when I thought about my meager savings, I gave up. ............ I have been slowly adjusting myself in the past few days. I never thought I could be so self-disciplined. I go to bed on time, don't play with mobile phones, look at the computer less, take a rest when it's time, eat on time, eat snacks one hour before meals, drink some milk before going to bed, get up on time, drink some brown sugar water in the morning, to avoid evil spirits at home, and I also cleaned the house... I am very happy that after cleaning, I sweated and felt much better. It seems that labor makes me glorious and exercise makes me happy. I am still in the process of overcoming my fear of stairs, especially climbing stairs in the morning, which can be really fatal if I have an attack. After these days, I realized that nothing is more important than health. In the past, I didn't worry about my body and thought I could withstand it. But when I reach a certain age, I may regret it. No illness, no pain, no disasters and no worries are the best blessings. Finally, I hope I can finish writing this book in my lifetime. O(￣▽￣)o Mo Wang - sounds good Several frosts, several rains Poems in the long wind sing the parting of the world How can I forget you who looked at me silently? Even if the world is turned upside down, I will not waver, I will wait for you A journey of wind, a journey of mud It rains in the sky, making us wet when we return home after a long journey I often look at you across the mountains and seas Even if the years pass, I will not waver, I will wait for you

Express your difficult feelings

You eat and wash up after get off work every day. It's already half past seven. You take out your phone, make up your mind to open the software, and start writing with joy After thinking hard and with great interest, I finally got an idea At nine o'clock, your roommate is back At half past nine, your roommate starts knocking on your door, talking to you, and asking you endlessly what you are doing. If you don't reply to your roommate, your roommate will say that you are cold and unsociable, and he will talk to himself and wander around in front of you. Finally, when you have half thought of the plot and half of the words typed, you feel annoyed to be disturbed, but you can't let it happen, and you lose the mood to continue writing. In order to block roommates, you start playing Honor of Kings The game is addictive. When the game ends, it's twelve o'clock. Okay, sleep. But I can't sleep, thinking about you not finishing the article, thinking about losing the game, thinking about the rent you just paid today, thinking about the work you have to deal with tomorrow, thinking about why you have to live so carefully every day, thinking about the same life, thinking about your family thousands of miles away, thinking about your confused and uncertain future. Anxiety, depression, insomnia When you fall asleep, you have a house that you can do as you like. You pick up the furniture and furnishings, lie on the soft bed, raise pets like cats and dogs, water the flowers, and have a group of close friends who learn recipes and cook every now and then. On the balcony, you open your notebook, type line by line, drink health tea, and take a look at the colorful world outside. At seven o'clock, the alarm clock rings. You wake up and press it. At ten past seven, it rang again. At 7:20, you turned off the alarm clock and reluctantly got up A bad day is about to begin again

When will there be sugar between Nangong Yi and Jie You? I think it's very sweet when Ah Li recalls the two of them in Li Xiao wine. He suddenly longs for their sugar. In the past, I always sided with Huangfu Yan and Jie You

The most painful thing every day is waiting for updates, and the happiest thing is reading newly updated chapters.